


flowers pile up in the worst way

by Bara_no_Uta



Category: Caduceus | Trauma Center Series
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Things Happen Bingo, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:54:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24867934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bara_no_Uta/pseuds/Bara_no_Uta
Summary: “Doctor, there were no matches in my symptom database for ‘coughing up flower petals.’ Symptom was added as a custom entry.”“So we’ve got nothing to go off of,” Gabe sighed, though he was grateful that RONI hadn’t come out and said as much in front of Maria. “Do a search of medical journals. See if there are any case studies or anything.”“Searching now.”After a few minutes of waiting, he went to the imaging lab to take a look at the scans. Sure enough, there were odd shapes in both of Maria’s lungs. In fact, they looked… like flowers.
Relationships: Alyssa Breslin & Maria Torres, Alyssa Breslin & Naomi Kimishima, Esha Patel & Maria Torres, Naomi Kimishima/Maria Torres
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	1. Chapter 1

Hair still wet from her morning shower, Maria ate a quick breakfast and chased down some vitamins with orange juice. She had developed a bit of a cough the last few days, and while she knew it was too late to change the fact that she seemed to be coming down with something, she hoped to minimize it as much as possible. If there was one thing she hated – well, there were a lot of things she hated, but missing work was one of them.

It was soon time for her to head to the hospital. Maria had just stepped foot outside when she was stopped by a whole coughing fit. If she hadn’t been sure she was coming down with something before, she certainly was then. …Oh, gross, what was that in her mouth? It didn’t feel like phlegm…

She glanced around quickly to make sure no one was around to see, then spit it out onto the grass.

“What the hell…?”

There were no other words for this situation, because Maria had just spit out yellow _flower petals_. It seemed like she had coughed them up, but that didn’t make any sense. The likelihood she had somehow breathed flower petals of all things into her lungs was… just about zero. And even if she had, typically foreign things in the lungs required medical intervention; they didn’t just spontaneously get coughed out.

Very weird. She crouched down to check that it really was flower petals she had seen, but there was no mistaking it.

Okay, this day was officially getting off to an odd start. But whatever. Maybe she had swallowed them or something at some point. It was improbable, but not quite impossible, and she had certainly seen stranger things. What other explanation could there be?

At Resurgam, she greeted everyone and got to work assisting on some surgeries. It was a pretty slow day, which… as an EMT, was a good thing for the sake of the people.

Twice, she had had to swallow a tickle in her throat, but she had managed to keep her cough hidden from the others.

She was in her office catching up on some paperwork when she got a call. The caller ID said it was from Naomi, but she knew that it was more likely from Alyssa. “Hello?”

“Hi, um, Maria? This is Alyssa!”

Maria smiled. Ever since she had revealed to Alyssa that she didn’t have parents either, it seemed Alyssa had grown attached to her. Much as she had never seen herself as a role model type, it made her happy to be able to help someone – she remembered how lonely and isolating it had felt, even surrounded by other kids who also didn’t have parents. “Hey, kiddo! How’re you doing?”

There was the sound of shifting as Alyssa hesitated. “I’m kind of sad today. I asked N’omi if I could come visit you, and she said I can if you’re not too busy.”

“Of course you can! I’ll be in my office, ‘kay? And if I have to go help people, I’ll let Naomi know and meet you when I’m done.”

“Yay! Thank you, Maria!”

“Of course. See you when you get here.”

“Uh-huh! Bye!” When Maria said ‘bye’ back, Alyssa ended the call so she could tell Naomi.

She had better try to get this paperwork finished before they got here, then, or else she’d be doing overtime. But even if she ended up having to stay late, it was worth it. She liked spending time with Alyssa, and… Naomi, too.

It was a little under 20 minutes later that Maria heard a knock at her door and Alyssa calling her name. Grinning, she opened it and scooped the girl into a hug. “It’s nice to see you again!”

Alyssa giggled as she hugged back. Naomi hovered in the doorway, feeling a little like she was intruding.

When Maria pulled away, she motioned to the couch. “Wanna sit?”

Alyssa gave a sound of confirmation and went to do so, while Naomi hesitated.

It wasn’t the first time, so Maria called to Alyssa, “Mind if Naomi joins us?”

Bouncing up, Alyssa went to Naomi and took her by the hand as though to physically pull her to the couch.

That finally got Naomi to smile. “Okay, I’m coming,” she assured Alyssa.

Once all three were seated on the couch, Maria turned serious. “So today’s a missing them kinda day, huh?”

Her gaze falling, Alyssa nodded.

It was hard for Naomi to hear Alyssa upset about losing her parents, which she still very much blamed herself for. At the same time, she was determined to do what was right for her, and that meant facing it and supporting her in any way she could, not running away from her guilt.

“You know, some of the kids that I knew at the orphanage, it made them feel a little bit less sad when they talked about some of the happy times they’d had with their family. Do you think that would help?”

“I dunno.” She thought about it, then started to talk. “Last Christmas, I really wanted a pony. They said it’s not like on TV, and it’s a lot of work and they’re not that easy to ride… but I really wanted a pony. So mommy and daddy took me to a, um… a place that has horses, and said they got me a lesson. Except when I actually saw the horsie, it was really big and I was scared to ride it…”

Maria smiled fondly as she listened to the memory. “Did you end up riding it?”

She nodded. “Uh-huh. Well… they got one that was bigger, and Mommy rode it with me so I would know I wouldn’t fall off. But I decided I didn’t want a pony anymore.”

“It sounds like your mommy was a smart person.”

Alyssa smiled, though it was a little sad, and nodded again. “Mommy and Daddy were both really smart, and nice. And so are you and N’omi… I wish you could all be my family, together.”

Maria looked at Naomi, wondering if Alyssa believed in any kind of afterlife. If her parents hadn’t already taught her about one, she felt like it probably wasn’t her place to say anything. Did Naomi believe in anything like that? It was hard to imagine she would… Maria herself had been on the fence until she had seen Rosalia’s ghost. There had to be _something_ after death if ghosts could exist, right?

Eventually Maria settled on, “I understand. And I know it’s not the same, but Naomi and I are happy to be your family.” She wondered if it was even okay to include herself in that without clearing it with Naomi. But if Alyssa had independently identified her as a part of her family, it felt cruel not to respond in kind. When she looked at Naomi, she saw the other woman give her what she was _pretty_ sure was an appreciative smile, so… hopefully it was fine.

“What are happy times you had with your family?” Alyssa asked. Maria hadn’t really shared anything about how she came to be without parents, and it was natural that she was inquisitive.

But for Maria, the question wasn’t as comfortable as it had been for Alyssa. Maria visibly stiffened, looking at the wall to avoid eye contact as she tried to come up with an appropriate way to answer that she was comfortable sharing. Nobody at Resurgam knew her past, and she wasn’t really comfortable changing that.

Seeing her obvious discomfort, Naomi seemed to decide to help her out. “Sometimes people don’t like to talk about their families, like if the memories make them really sad. Does that make sense?”

“Oh…” Alyssa frowned, then scooted closer and hugged Maria. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

Relaxing, Maria tried to let herself calm down. “It’s okay. You didn’t know, and you were trying to make me happy.”

She nodded. When she pulled away, she looked between the women on either side of her and asked, “Is Tomoe here? Can I visit her?”

Pretty much all of Resurgam was like family as far as Alyssa was concerned, Naomi had noticed. And honestly, from her time in the hospital – both as a doctor and as a patient – Naomi was inclined to feel that was just fine. “Sure.” She stood along with Alyssa, who was already halfway to the door by the time Naomi was on her feet. Alyssa was pretty much allowed to go around the hospital on her own, with a few restrictions such as not leaving the building or entering any room that wasn’t a doctor’s office, or entering their office without knocking.

Naomi started to head out to join her when she was stopped by a hand touching hers. She turned to look at Maria, a question in her eyes.

It had been the only way to get Naomi’s attention without also alerting Alyssa. “Thank you. You kinda saved me back there,” she said, her voice low enough that she hoped Alyssa wouldn’t hear.

Naomi smiled sadly. “Of course.”

That was all Naomi said before continuing to follow after Alyssa, but just the words and her expression made Maria’s chest feel warm. It was almost like… Naomi cared about her. She had known Naomi at least respected her as a professional and didn’t mind her being something like an aunt figure to Alyssa, but Naomi wasn’t one to be particularly forthcoming about her own feelings, leaving Maria not entirely sure where she stood with her.

It made her happy to think that Naomi might care about her on some level, because—

Her thoughts were interrupted by a harsh coughing fit. She always covered her mouth with her sleeve, as per protocol, and when she finally got her coughing to stop and pulled it away… there were several flower petals on her sleeve.

This was officially freaking her the heck out. Flower petals? On her sleeve. After she coughed. And they were definitely flower petals. And they definitely had not been in her sleeve, or in her mouth, before she coughed.

Just as she was trying to figure out what to do, she spotted a text from Naomi. "By the way, I heard you coughing pretty bad when I left. I realize this is nothing you don’t already know, but if you’re sick, stay home and rest."

…Naomi did care about her.

A tickle rose in her throat again, and despite her best efforts to suppress it, a few more petals got on her sleeve. There was no mistaking this: something weird was going on.

The truth was, she was a little scared. But she believed in her colleagues, and comforted herself with the knowledge that she could trust them to help her figure out what was going on and get better.

She went over to Esha’s office. The door was ajar, so she peeked in.

“Oh, Maria! Come on in,” Esha smiled, seated at her desk.

Maria entered, closing the door behind her and sitting down across from Esha. “I was wondering if I could take some time off in the next few days. I’m coming down with something weird and I think I need some tests.”

“Of course. You want them done here? I can see who’s got openings. What kind of tests?”

“Yeah, here if I can. Um… definitely chest x-rays. Maybe a sputum test… If those don’t turn anything up, I’m not sure.”

Esha nodded in acknowledgment that she had heard and began looking through schedules on her computer. “Gabe has a 10 o’clock available in the morning. It sounds like whatever is going on is pretty urgent, so I’ll assist Hank’s 11 o’clock surgery in your place.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” She hesitated, knowing Esha probably respected her privacy too much to outright ask what was going on. “Um, I think my symptoms are so weird you’d have to see it to believe it. I’ve never heard of a disease like this.”

She frowned in concern. “I’ve never known you to lie. If you want to share what’s going on, I’ll believe you. Besides, we saw more than our fair share of unbelievable things last summer…”

“Yeah.” Maria ran a hand through her hair, unsure if she was glad or distressed that Esha had brought forth her biggest fear. This clearly wasn’t the Rosalia virus, but what if it was something just as deadly? After all, the lungs… were not a place one wanted something going wrong. “I seem to be… coughing up flower petals. I mean you’d seriously think I swallowed a whole flower into my lungs.” _It’s kinda freaking me out,_ she stopped herself from admitting. “It doesn’t happen a lot so I guess I’ll save some of the petals so they can run tests… but it sounds unbelievable, doesn’t it?”

“I definitely have never heard of anything like that,” Esha conceded. “I’m glad you’re getting it checked out right away.”

“Me too.” And that was coming from someone who, hypocritically, very much tended to ignore her own medical needs unless they were glaringly obvious in the level of impairment they caused her at work.

“Let me know how it goes, okay?”

Maria smiled, appreciating that Esha cared about her so genuinely. “I will.” She stood and turned toward the door, then hesitated. “This must be how our patients feel sometimes. Having no idea what’s wrong or how serious it is…”

Esha was quiet for a few seconds as though debating her words before making a determined promise: “We won’t let anything bad happen to you. I believe in this team. Whatever is going on, we’ll figure it out.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Hey. Unusual to see you in that chair,” Gabe said lightly, though his expression was one of concern. “Let’s start with your symptoms.”

“Right. I’m… Look, I promise I’m not messing with you when I say this, okay? I know I like to mess around sometimes, but I—I wouldn’t waste an appointment slot to mess with you, and Esha is even covering a surgery I was supposed to assist in—”

“Hey, easy there. I’ll believe you, okay?”

She nodded, relaxing a little. She trusted him to keep his word on this. “I’ve been coughing lately. Except it’s not, like, normal coughing. I’ve been coughing up… um…” She reached into her pocket and held out a sandwich bag with flower petals in it. “These.”

If it weren’t for the sincerity and anxiety in her eyes, he certainly would have been tempted to make a joke about her apparently coughing up flowers. But one look at her expression and any temptation to make such a comment was gone. Sure, he could be insensitive at times, but he wasn’t a complete ass. “Okay. RONI, new symptom: coughing up… flower petals?”

“New symptom observed: coughing up flower petals.” It had to be added as a custom symptom, not finding a single match in her database, but that was for Gabe to sort out later.

“Any other symptoms?”

Maria shook her head.

“Okay. Let me take your vitals, and then we’ll get you in for a chest x-ray.” He listened to her heart and lungs. “It definitely sounds like there’s something… _in_ there. Have you been getting short of breath?”

She thought it over. “Not that I’ve noticed, but the flower petal thing only started happening yesterday.”

He nodded and had RONI note what he heard. Next, he had Maria go for her x-rays. Since she already knew where it was, he went to his office to look at the information they currently had.

“Doctor, there were no matches in my symptom database for ‘coughing up flower petals.’ Symptom was added as a custom entry.”

“So we’ve got nothing to go off of,” he sighed, though he was grateful that RONI hadn’t come out and said as much in front of Maria. With someone like her who was a medical professional herself it probably would have been fine, but were it a random patient with no medical experience, he would be very glad for RONI having more tact than that. “Do a search of medical journals. See if there are any case studies or anything.”

“Searching now.”

After a few minutes of waiting, he went to the imaging lab to take a look at the scans. Sure enough, there were odd shapes in both of Maria’s lungs. In fact, they looked… like flowers.

He returned to the office, but RONI was still running the search, so he went back to the exam room. Maria was there, looking just as anxious as before.

Sitting down, he tried to come up with the best way to present this. He had to share difficult information all the time, but it was harder with a friend. “In the scans, it actually looks like there are flowers in your lungs. RONI is trying to find matches right now.”

“So you have no idea what’s going on either,” she surmised.

“I’m sorry. …The good news is, with the location, we can probably remove the flowers surgically. Of course, I don’t need to tell you the risks of lung surgery. Don’t feel you need to make a decision right away. In fact, it might be a good idea to wait and see. If they don’t grow and are harmless…”

She nodded in agreement. The coughing fits were definitely not harmless, but when weighing them against the risk of lung surgery, it was definitely something to think about. “Can we do some bloodwork and make sure things are otherwise normal?”

“Sure.” He drew some blood. At least Maria wasn’t squeamish about needles like many of his patients, some of whom he was pretty sure would sooner die than get blood drawn and needed a lot of reassurance. “While we wait on that, I’m going to check on the search I had RONI run.”

“Okay.” While she waited, she looked at her phone. She thought about texting Esha, but the chief would be in Hank’s surgery right now. The idea of sharing her problem with anyone else when she didn’t even know what was going on was less than appealing, although if it was serious, she probably should. On the other hand, if it wasn’t serious, there was no reason to alarm them, right? And she totally wasn’t just thinking that because she wanted to be in denial of the problem? Right?

She worried about Alyssa. After losing her parents and finding a new family, it would be too cruel for her to lose another person—

Wait, wait, she couldn’t be thinking like that! She was Maria freakin’ Torres. There was no way she was going to die until she was at least 100 years old! She was too stubborn to die!

She shook her head as though to physically clear away her fears of dying. There was no reason to jump that far anyway. If it started to get worse, she would just have an operation and get it out. Yeah it wasn’t anybody’s first choices for locations to operate, but it wasn’t like it was her brain, and it wouldn’t be Erhard’s first lung surgery.

Apparently the universe was not in the mood to allow her to be reassured for long, however, as Gabe soon came into the room looking grim.

“You couldn’t find anything,” she guessed, though his expression led her to fear that the truth was much worse.

“I found three case studies,” he said, sitting down and leaning forward. “In two of them, the patient got the operation. In the other, the patient didn’t get the operation. They’re calling it ‘hanahaki disease.’ In it, the patients started to cough up flower petals. X-rays found flowers growing in their lungs. Over the course of weeks, or even days, the flowers grew bigger. The patients started coughing up whole flowers. This is where the two who got the surgery did. The one who didn’t get the surgery, the number of flowers they were coughing up at continued to increase, and they ended up getting stuck in the patient’s airway and led to death.”

Maria took a deep breath in and out. Okay, so it had been fatal for one person. “And the people who got the operation?”

“Were probably the reason the third one chose not to.” He ran a hand through his hair. “It shouldn’t be possible, but then again, the mind-body connection can be surprising… They found that after the operation, the patients weren’t able to feel love anymore.”

“Like… forever? Did they rule out things like depression following the surgery…?”

He nodded. “Other than that, they were living normal lives, until it caused their emotional state to deteriorate. But after surgery, both patients reported not being able to love their family, their friends, the one even had a pet and couldn’t love it anymore.”

Her hands balled into fists. “That’s bullshit. There’s no way that could be a result of a lung surgery! I mean, a brain surgery, maybe, but the lungs?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “We’ve seen some pretty crazy things in the last few months ourselves. I want to think you’re right, but… I don’t know.”

“So you’re telling me my choices are never be able to _love anyone_ again, or die.” She was almost yelling now.

And much as it wasn’t something he wanted to take when he was upset himself about his friend having such an illness, right now he decided to let her express herself how she needed to. Even if she yelled at him, they would make up later. …It was the only way he could think of to support her. “I don’t know. It’s based on three case studies. But I am telling you that that’s what the case studies said.”

Tears formed in the corner of her eyes, and she stood up. “If that’s everything, I’m going to go now.”

Knowing that she probably needed some alone time to process, he didn’t stop her, but decided to follow it up with a text after she left. "If you need someone to talk to about this, my door is open." Much as the two didn’t typically talk much about their feelings – with anyone, or with each other – this was the sort of extreme situation in which it would be entirely logical to see an exception to the rule. And honestly, Maria needed to talk to someone about this, whether it was him or someone else.

Luckily, Esha hadn’t forgotten. She sought Maria out as soon as the surgery was over, and when she didn’t find the EMT in her office, knew to check the roof.

Maria looked behind her when she heard footsteps. She liked to sit here when she wanted to be alone – anyone who needed her knew to call her cell phone – but the fact that she had made an occasional habit of doing so meant that people now knew to look for her here. Maybe she was a little grateful for that, though.

Esha sat next to her. “I’m guessing Gabe didn’t have good news for you,” she prompted gently. As Maria’s employer, it was arguable whether she should be asking about her medical condition. But as a member of Maria’s family, as all of them at Resurgam were, it was a given that she would be concerned.

She shook her head. “I-I think I’m gonna die, Chief,” she confessed, her voice wobbling.

It was when others were most upset that Esha felt the greatest need to be calm and rational. She hadn’t gotten to her position by panicking in the face of stress, after all. Much as there was a part of her that was instantly alarmed, she swallowed it. “No matter what it is, we’ll do our best to figure something out for you,” she promised her calmly. “Can you start from the beginning?”

After a few quick breaths in an effort to keep from breaking down crying, Maria told her everything she had heard from Gabe. By the end, she was covering her face in a futile attempt to hide her tears. “How can I choose between that? Even if I get the surgery and I’m alive, th-that’s not… it’s not _living_. I told myself for so long I was fine without caring about anybody, without anybody caring about me. I can’t go back to that!”

Her heart hurt. Esha typically was very mindful not to do so with the doctors, ever aware that they were technically her subordinates, but right now she couldn’t resist offering her a hug. Sometimes words just weren’t enough, and Maria was _family_.

Gratefully, she accepted. If there was a ‘later,’ a small part of her recognized that she would later be embarrassed to cry on the chief’s shoulder. But right now, she needed support, and their team plus Naomi and Alyssa were the only family or friends she had. And were she to be completely honest with herself, Esha had always been the closest thing she had had to a supportive mother figure, making her reassuring in a way no one else likely could be. She had just been given effectively a death sentence, and honestly, how was she supposed to know how to cope with something like that? Especially being told it would only be a matter of weeks until her death, and when she was still young and had been pretty healthy overall?

And Esha understood that. Not completely, but she knew that they were the only family Maria had, and that Maria had just been given something to deal with that rarely even crossed most people’s minds until many decades into the future. She wouldn’t lie to her and claim that everything would be alright, much as she dearly wished she could guarantee that. Instead, she told her, “I promise you two things. One: we will do _everything_ we can to find a cure that lets you live a normal life. And two: no matter what happens, you won’t be going through it alone.”

After a couple more minutes of crying, Maria started to calm down. When she pulled away, she was even able to manage a smile. “Well, if I have the best doctors in the world trying to help me, I guess I’ve got nothing to worry about.” Her fear wasn’t entirely gone, but she decided not to dwell on it. Her expression turning sincere, her gaze fell before she looked into the chief’s eyes. “Thank you… Esha.”

Esha smiled. “Are you comfortable with me calling a team meeting?”

Considering that it was to discuss her, it definitely didn’t sound like her idea of a comfortable experience. That said, some group brainstorming probably was the best way to tackle this. “…Yeah.”

That very afternoon – because when your timeline was weeks at the most, time was a precious commodity – Esha stood in front of the other doctors: Gabe, Hank, Maria, Tomoe, and Erhard. “Have any of you heard of something called ‘hanahaki disease’?”

Gabe looked around. Of course he knew, but he was sure she knew he was aware of it. He was more hoping that somebody else would speak up, who might know more. When the room was silent, he finally spoke up. “I know a little.”

“Great. Why don’t you give a recap of it?” Since he was the one who had read the case studies, she figured that made the most sense.

He came up to join Esha at the front of the room so that he could look at the other doctors, though he avoided eye contact with Maria – a task that wasn’t particularly difficult given that she was determinedly staring at a spot on the wall that was nowhere near him or Esha. “Hanahaki disease. From what we know, it’s a fatal disease if the patient doesn’t receive surgery, but even with surgery… there isn’t any known treatment that leaves their life intact. Flowers grow in the patient’s lungs, causing them to cough up flower petals. The flowers grow, until they’re coughing up entire flowers, and then more flowers, until after a couple weeks it blocks their airways and they die. But those who receive the operation to remove the flowers… report an inability to experience love afterward.”

There was a small gasp from Tomoe.

“Thank you, Gabe,” Esha said. He went back to where he was standing before, and she continued. “I bring this to your attention because we have a case of hanahaki right here at Resurgam. The patient is still in the early stages. I believe in us, working together, being able to find a real cure. Something that doesn’t leave the patient living a shadow of their current life. Does anybody have any ideas?”

“Maybe we could learn something from running tests on the samples they cough up,” Hank suggested. “A flower shouldn’t be able to grow in the lungs, even if a seed somehow got there. These aren’t ordinary flowers.”

“That’s a good idea.” Esha moved to the whiteboard and made a bullet point list.

“I have a friend who I can call,” Erhard said. “A while back he eliminated a deadly, dangerous disease, and he’s quite famous in Japan’s medical community. He’s said he often gets calls about rare, incurable diseases, so it’s possible he may know something.”

“Definitely worth asking,” she agreed.

“If all else is failing, some exploratory surgery might be worth a try,” Maria said, trying to make her voice sound normal. Esha had kindly managed to get around revealing just who had this disease, and she didn’t want to tell them right now. Not in this context; maybe one-on-one. “It’s not a great option, but when the other option is death, it’s not like there’s much to lose.”

Esha nodded, much as it pained her to think of it that way. “Okay. Any other ideas?”

The room was silent.

“Then Gabe and Hank, you’re in charge of tests. Erhard, contact your friend and let us know what he says. The rest of us will continue brainstorming and looking for research.”

When they voiced their agreement, Esha dismissed the meeting. Maria lingered behind. She waited until the others were out of earshot to say, “Thanks for not telling everyone it’s me.”

Esha paused in erasing the board to look at Maria. “No problem. It’s your place to do that, not mine, and I understand if you need some time before you’re ready to tell them.”

She nodded, sticking her hands in her pockets and kicking lightly at the ground. “I know I need to tell them, but how the hell do I tell them something like that?”

“It’s not an easy conversation to have,” she agreed, not knowing any advice that could make the conversation easier. “But I know they’ll want to do everything they can to help.”

She nodded. “If… if Erhard’s friend doesn’t know anything, I’ll tell everyone.”

“Okay. And Maria, you can always talk to me if it’ll help.”

Maria managed a small smile. “Thanks, Chief.”


	3. Chapter 3

It was two days until Erhard was able to get in touch with the researcher Derek had put him in contact with, time zones being a barrier. At his request, Esha had assembled the team again so that he could share his findings with everyone.

“My friend knows a researcher who has been studying this disease. I spoke with the researcher, and he has a theory about the origins of the disease. He believes that it’s caused by unrequited love, and that if the target were to reciprocate the patient’s love or the patient were to move on and fall out of love, the disease would disappear.”

Maria felt her cheeks burn in shame. It wasn’t as though she could say she didn’t have unrequited feelings for someone, and now she was going to have to reveal that to her friends.

“There’s no way we can make a person love another, but I have two ideas. Our bodies can’t magically know how another person feels, so perhaps encouraging the patient to think about the person they love and giving them injections to increase their oxytocin would be sufficient to stimulate the disease to disappear.” Oxytocin was one of the main neurotransmitters involved in bonding and love, so it was worth a try. “If that fails, perhaps the patient could seek counseling with someone who could help them try to move on.”

“Getting over someone in two weeks is a pretty tall order,” Gabe mused. “But oxytocin, that shouldn’t be hard.”

Esha nodded. “I’ll prepare it and brief the patient on the treatment and potential side effects, and report back to you as soon as I can.”

Maria felt a flutter in her chest and tried to hold back a cough. It wasn’t working and she could feel the cough seeming to claw its way up her throat, leading her to exit the room. She couldn’t cough in front of them, or else they might see the petals. As soon as she closed the door behind her, she began to cough violently. It hurt, and the number of petals was increasing each time. She wasn’t coughing up whole flowers yet, but the clumps of petals weren’t much better. Sure, they were soft, but the airway wasn’t built to accommodate anything but _air_. After a quick glance told her no one was in the hall to see, she put the petals in the bag she now carried so she could give them to Gabe for testing.

Once her coughing fit was over, Maria took a sip of water and slipped back into the room.

“Any other ideas?” Esha was asking. When no one volunteered any, she sent them on their way. “I’ll get back to you all on the oxytocin treatment.”

Not wanting to stand out, Maria left with everyone else.

“What a horrible disease,” Tomoe commented to her. “It seems so cruel… As if unrequited love wasn’t painful enough.”

_Tell me about it_. Not wanting to reveal anything right here in the hallway, Maria put on a playful grin. “Oh? Got someone you love?”

Tomoe blushed. “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that. But I’m sure everyone has had one-sided feelings at some point in their life, haven’t they?”

Maria shrugged. “I guess I’d have to consider someone pretty damn lucky if they hadn’t.”

After they separated, Maria went to her office, where she figured Esha would come looking for her pretty soon.

Sure enough, it wasn’t long until the chief was knocking on her door.

“Come in.” Maria moved to sit on her couch.

Esha did, closing the door behind her so no one would overhear their conversation and coming in to sit next to Maria on the couch.

“You already know about the potential benefits of the treatment,” Esha said, “but know that excess oxytocin can interfere with reading emotional cues and lead people to be overly sensitive until it wears off. This treatment is also experimental, and… for all we know, it could make things _worse._ If you choose to do this, I’d like to keep you in the hospital overnight so we can do periodic imaging tests and watch for side effects.”

The reminder that it could make things worse was a grim one, but it was the only choice she had. “Let’s do it. Tonight, if possible.”

It made her uneasy to do something that risked making Maria’s condition worse, but she knew that if their situations were reversed, she would make the same decision. “Okay. And this is just a guess, but… the person you have feelings for, is she someone you could ask to come… I don’t know, hold your hand as just a friend?” It sounded silly, but if there was any chance it could help, it was worth a try.

Maria thought it over, then shook her head. “We don’t know each other well enough… It would be weird.” She hesitated, wondering if she was really going to prioritize ‘not being weird’ over her own life. She sighed. “Damn it. Priorities, I guess. Okay, I’ll ask her. Just… don’t laugh when you see who it is, okay?”

She frowned. “Why would I laugh?”

“…She’s so out of my league it’s ridiculous,” she admitted. “Anyway, just so you know, I… don’t plan on telling her how I feel. Even if I’m about to die. I don’t want her to feel guilty for not being into me.”

“Fair enough. You reach out to her, and I’ll reserve you a room. Now might be a good time to tell the others what’s going on.”

A sheepish smile, as she knew Esha was right. If she was going to be held overnight and one of them got called in for an emergency, or she hadn’t left before someone came in the morning, they would find out.

When Esha left, Maria looked at her phone, her heart pounding. She was scared to ask something so strange and rather childish feeling from someone who, honestly, she could barely even say with certainty considered her a friend. But it was better than dying, wasn’t it? Being embarrassed for a bit was _infinitely_ preferable to literally dying. With that thought steeling her, Maria called Naomi.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Naomi. It’s me.” She took a deep breath, hoping Naomi couldn’t hear it shake through the phone. “Um, you remember how I was coughing the other day?”

“Yes.”

She ran a hand through her hair, struggling to voice the request. “It turns out I’m pretty sick, actually. We’re going to try an experimental treatment tonight, but it’s never been done before and we don’t know what’s gonna happen. I’m kinda freaking out here… so I was wondering if you could maybe come and keep me company for a bit, like during the treatment maybe?”

“Sure. I won’t press for more details over the phone, but you can tell me more tonight.”

“Yeah. And… then maybe you and me can figure out how to tell Alyssa. Just, um, in case.”

Naomi was quiet for a while, as though processing how serious it must be from the statement. “Alright. Text me the when and where. I’ll let you know if Little Guy can babysit or if I’ll need Resurgam’s daycare.” Naomi was enough a part of the team, and Alyssa enough a part of the family, that nobody had any qualms about letting her use the daycare intended for staff there if nobody in the ‘family’ was available to watch Alyssa.

With that, Maria went to Tomoe’s office. “Tomoe? It’s Maria.”

Tomoe opened the door, greeting her with a smile. “Hello again.” She opened the door wider so that Maria could come in if she wanted.

Maria did, sitting down on the couch. She waited until Tomoe had closed the door and joined her.

“Is everything okay?” Tomoe asked, becoming concerned when she saw how serious Maria’s expression was.

It took a lot of willpower not to automatically say yes. “…No. There’s something I need to tell you.” She tried to make eye contact, but it was too difficult and she found her gaze landing back on the ground. “I’m the one who has hanahaki disease.”

Her eyes widened, and at a loss for words, she put a hand on Maria’s shoulder. She felt crushed by the prospect of her best friend dying, but she was sure it was nothing compared to what Maria must be going through.

“…Yeah. I’m gonna stay in the hospital tonight to try the oxytocin… and hope that it works.” She exhaled, unable to shake the feeling that it became more real every time she voiced her condition.

“Do you want me to come sit with you?”

She smiled wryly despite the situation, having just had to make that request of Naomi. Normally she would have agreed; Tomoe was the closest thing she had ever had to a sister, and her presence would be reassuring. “Thanks, but I’ll be okay. I’ll let you know when we find out if it works or not, though.”

“I’ll be thinking of you,” she promised. “Is there anything I can do? Anything you need?”

“Just these flowers outta me,” she said, attempting to laugh it off. “But thank you.”

“We’re here for you,” Tomoe promised.

Maria managed a smile, but it was soon cut off by a tickle in her chest and throat. “I’m—gonna go—tell the—others,” she gasped, fighting the cough and ending the conversation short. She didn’t want anyone to see, even if they were all doctors here and had seen far, far worse. With those words, she darted out of the office, closing the door despite Tomoe’s attempt to follow. As soon as she was in the hallway, the painful coughs forced their way out. Her throat felt raw from coughing, but no amount of tea or lozenges had helped.

A few hours later, she was sitting in a hospital room. Naomi came in and pulled up a chair, surveying Maria’s appearance. “How are you feeling?”

She shifted uncomfortably. “Just hoping this works.”

A nod of understanding. “What’s your prognosis?”

Naomi sure didn’t waste time in getting to the point. In some ways, she was grateful for that though, since it prevented her from avoiding the topic. “If the treatments don’t work, I have… at most, a couple of weeks to live.” She didn’t get into the surgery yet. In her mind, that wasn’t an option.

There was a slight shift in Naomi’s expression, a hint of sadness in her eyes. “And you called me knowing I’ve had to contend with a lethal diagnosis before too,” she surmised, albeit incorrectly. “I won’t pretend to know exactly what you’re going through, but I know it can be… frightening.”

“…Yeah.” To the second part, at least. “We’re all doing our best to find a cure, but if we aren’t able to find one…”

“What do you have?”

“It’s called ‘hanahaki disease.’ It’s weird and not much is known about it. But basically, I have… growth in my lungs, and an operation would leave me… a damn shell, basically, even though that doesn’t even make sense.”

“Hanahaki… As in, Japanese for ‘flower vomiting’?” she repeated with a small frown of confusion.

“Yeah. I didn’t know that, but uh… if you see my symptoms, you’ll understand why. Oh, but I’m not actually, uh, vomiting.” Even if they were doctors, that was still not something anybody really liked being around. “And I don’t have any reason to think it’s contagious.”

Esha came in then with a vial, syringe, and stethoscope. She paused when she saw Naomi, eyebrows raising just a little as a small smile crept onto her expression for just a moment, before she forced it back into one of neutrality. “I’m going to listen to your breathing sounds,” she said. She listened to Maria’s heart and lungs and checked her vitals. “Has your heart been beating this fast all day, or are you just nervous?”

“Nervous,” she admitted.

“I think anyone would be. But we’re here. You’re not doing this alone.” She gave Maria’s shoulder a light squeeze. “What I’m thinking we’ll do is keep an eye out for changes in your symptoms or vitals, and listen to your breathing sounds every half hour. If something changes, we’ll get you in for an x-ray and compare it to the one you just took. Sound okay?”

Maria nodded, but found her gaze falling on Naomi for reassurance. She was scared about the possibility of this not working, or worse, making the flowers grow faster. And she felt guilty for hiding the truth from Naomi yet asking her to be here.

Seeing Maria look at her with so much fear in her eyes, and knowing that her friend had asked her here for reassurance, she wondered how she could help. Distracting her? There wasn’t much realistic reassurance she could give. As she turned ideas over in her mind, one stood out as something that, while not something that came naturally to her at all, she suspected Maria might find helpful, and she reached out to offer her hand to Maria.

Maria felt herself blush as she accepted Naomi’s hand, fearful though she still was. This was pretty literally what Esha had suggested, but she hadn’t thought… it would actually be offered. She wondered how Naomi knew that’s what she had been hoping for.

Naomi’s eyes flickered between Esha, who was prepping the injection, and Maria. Maybe it would be best to offer some distraction. It was a bit embarrassing to discuss this, let alone with Esha here, but… perhaps this was a fitting time to thank her. “Erhard told me. About during my surgery.”

If she hadn’t been blushing before, she certainly was now. She barely even registered the feeling of Esha rubbing disinfectant on the crease of her elbow. “T-told you… uh…” Her mouth felt dry all of a sudden.

There was a small smile, and she had to admit to herself that perhaps she had softened a bit since adopting Alyssa. A year ago, she never would have had this conversation. “You don’t need to be embarrassed.” She wouldn’t outright admit that she thought it was sweet, but she would at least allow Maria to know that it was a kind gesture.

She couldn’t believe he had told her! That guy could be so socially inept sometimes…! She had never, ever planned to tell Naomi about how she had held her hand through the operation on her heart. It was so silly and embarrassing, but she hadn’t really realized she was doing it until Naomi’s hand was in hers, at which point she couldn’t quite bring herself to pull away.

Naomi looked into the distance. “To this day, I’m grateful for you. All of you who gave me a second chance at life.”

“You don’t need to be grateful. We’re doctors, and… we’re your friends.” She managed a small smile, though part of her wondered if Naomi was only telling her this under an assumption that she had one foot already in the grave. She averted her eyes as she admitted, “Still, that was one of the scariest moments of my life.” She squeezed Naomi’s hand a bit more.

When Naomi looked back at her, she found herself looking right into Maria’s eyes.

The moment was breathtakingly intense—or maybe that was the rising cough building in her throat. She didn’t want to let Naomi see, but she knew there was no escaping it. She checked to make sure that Esha was finished with her free arm, the one that wasn’t holding Naomi’s hand, before covering her mouth and coughing violently. She felt a hand on her back, but she couldn’t register whose it was just yet. It hurt. She felt like she was choking, gasping for air between the rough coughs.

And that was when she felt the first flower come out, atop the petals that littered her sleeve.

Maria was almost afraid to look up and see their expressions, but did anyway. She saw two looks of concern, one mixed with surprise, and discovered that it was Esha’s hand that was on her back. She looked at Naomi sheepishly. “Now you know why it’s called ‘hanahaki.’”

“I suppose so. When you said ‘growth’ in your lungs… I didn’t realize quite how literally the ‘hana’ part was intended to be taken.”

She smiled despite herself. “Does that mean flower?”

“Yes.”

“Maria, is this the first time you’ve coughed up an entire flower?” Esha asked. “It’s probably too soon for anything to have changed, but I’d like to listen to your breathing sounds again.”

She took the deepest breaths she could while the cold stethoscope was again pressed over her thin hospital gown.

“I don’t hear any significant changes…” she said when she was finished. “I’m going to leave you for a bit, but I’ll be back soon to check on you. Call if you need _anything._ ”

“I will,” she promised.

Now it was just the two of them, alone. Maria shifted. “Thanks for coming to help me out.” Even though it was so embarrassing…

“It’s not something you need to thank me for,” she dismissed.

She smiled, but her heart ached. It was so clear that Naomi cared about her as a friend, and it made her happy that they could at least be friends. Still, it was painful to think that Naomi would never return her feelings… made all the more notable by the fact that this might end up _literally_ killing her.

This was the opposite of what she was supposed to be focusing on. She was trying just to focus on appreciating Naomi’s kindness, but the more she did that, the more she found herself thinking about how Naomi certainly only saw her as a friend.

“What are we going to tell Alyssa?” Maria asked, trying to put aside her own fears.

Indeed, losing yet another person she considered family could be devastating for the poor girl. Even so, “I don’t think there’s anything we can tell her but the truth. That you’re sick, and everyone is doing the best they can but we don’t know what will happen.”

“…Yeah.” She looked away for a moment, thinking. “You know, here at Resurgam, everyone – you guys too – is the closest I’ve ever had to a real family. If I’m going to die, I’m glad at least I got to experience that.” She coughed again, this time ignoring the petals that fell on the sleeve of her hospital gown.

There was a part of her that could understand a bit now why people would tell her not to reference her own impending death when she had been suffering from the genetic illness. But it was precisely because she had been through a relatively similar situation that she understood the need for one to process their mortality when coming face-to-face with it. “There is something to be said for that.”

“You know… I never met any of my biological family except my mom. My dad walked out before I was born or something I think, and my mom said her family ‘wasn’t worth knowing.’ I don’t know if she was lying or not, but I’m sure there’s a reason I had to go to an orphanage instead of living with my grandparents or something.”

While the two hadn’t really had any heart-to-heart conversations before, Naomi knew from talks with her and Alyssa that this was a painful subject for Maria. Of course, Maria typically didn’t let that on much in front of Alyssa, but someone analytical and observant of others could tell by the way she typically steered away from her own experiences. She wondered if this conversation was happening because Maria believed that she was going to die.

“Sometimes I feel kind of bad. I think Alyssa thinks my parents died, like hers did. But she’s young, and I don’t want to tell her about what really happened.” Maria unconsciously squeezed Naomi’s hand for a moment, seeking something to ground herself. “I have no idea who my dad is, and my mom is probably alive out there somewhere. But I don’t want to talk to her. Does that make me a bad person, when I know there are people out there who would give anything to be able to talk to their mom just one more time?”

“I’m hardly someone who can be arbiter of a good or bad person, but I don’t think so. The circumstances matter.”

She smiled sadly. “I haven’t even told you the ‘circumstances.’ But thank you.” It hit her then just how much she had disclosed, and she felt uncomfortable. Since oxytocin was one of the neurotransmitters responsible for trust… she supposed this was probably a side effect of the injection. “Sorry for talking about stuff like that. I think the medication got to my head.”

“It’s normal, I think, that if we believe our life to be ending we would reprocess our significant memories.”

Esha came in then to listen to Maria’s breathing. No changes.


	4. Chapter 4

It was about 3am, and Naomi and Esha had both gone home hours ago. Maria slept on and off, always waking when someone came to take her vitals. With the fast progression and the number of unknowns, she understood why it was necessary to do it so often, but it sure would’ve been nice to actually sleep.

Instead, she was left to lie awake and think about the situation she was in. Why was this happening to her? Why did this disease exist at all? Why couldn’t it be enough that Naomi cared about her as a friend? She had been perfectly fine with that, had accepted it as where their relationship would stay. And yet, her body was refusing to be content with it.

She ended up half watching crappy, middle of the night TV. She was so not going to be functional in the morning. She wished she had planned beforehand and could have at least brought a book or something.

The next morning, Esha was in her room again. “How are you feeling?”

Maria tried to smile, but honestly she was exhausted. “Tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”

“I kind of figured that might be the case. If your x-ray looks okay, I’m gonna send you home for the day to get some rest.” She listened to Maria’s breathing. It sounded shallower than it had yesterday, but that might be partly from the combination of sleep deprivation and stress. “Ready to get some more scans?”

“Yeah.” Whether things were better, worse, or the same, she just wanted answers.

In the imaging lab, Maria breathed in and out and lay otherwise completely still as she got another set of chest x-rays.

Soon she was back in her room with Esha, awaiting the results.

“And… here they are.” Esha pulled them up on the computer, comparing them to the scans from the day before and when she had seen Gabe.

Even without being told, Maria could see with her own eyes. Yet, as though wanting to believe she could be somehow mistaken due to her exhaustion, she decided to wait until Esha voiced her own observations.

Esha exhaled slowly. “It doesn’t seem to have impacted the hanahaki one way or the other.”

Frustration bubbled up in her. “Damn it. That was our only real lead!” she cried out, punching the bed. It did nothing to alleviate her turmoil.

And the worst part was, she wasn’t really wrong. Counseling to get over romantic feelings was… not a particularly tested concept to begin with, and the fact that it would need to be done in about a week or two made her chances even more grim. No matter how she tried to look at it, Maria wasn’t wrong about that. “So we’ll go back to the drawing board. What did you think about the counseling idea?”

“I’ve been in therapy before, and it takes _time_. My feelings for her aren’t going to go away in the time I have left. This is fucking hopeless.”

Suddenly stern, Esha sat down next to her. “Maria, look at me.” She waited until Maria made eye contact to continue. Her voice was firm, but not harsh. “You know as well as I do that the minute you decide it’s hopeless, when the patient says nothing is going to work, _that’s_ when it’s going to be hopeless.” Not always, but much more frequently than if the patient didn’t give up hope. “Don’t give up hope. Not when the rest of us are still fighting for you.”

It was firm, but it was exactly what she needed to calm down. It was rare for Esha to speak so sternly, which served to underscore how serious she was. “You’re right. I kinda freaked out.”

Relaxing now that Maria was calm, she smiled. “You’re allowed to freak out, especially in a situation like this. I just didn’t want it to spiral into something more serious, like for you to really lose hope.”

She smiled, grateful for how well Esha seemed to understand her. “I guess it’s good it hasn’t gotten worse.”

“Agreed.” She glanced at the clock, noting that there was a little time left before she had to go. “So… Naomi, huh?”

Embarrassed, she ducked her head. “Yeah. Even though she’s probably straight.” _And I think she might actually be dating that assistant of hers._

Esha thought before she spoke, choosing her words carefully. “I know whenever I found out a guy I liked already had a girlfriend, I’d usually get over him pretty fast, because I’d know I had no chance. Do you think it would help to find out for sure if she’s straight?”

Her lips twitched into a smile. “I mean, there aren’t a lot of not-awkward ways to ask someone that. Normally I’d just ask a woman out and if she’s straight obviously she’d just say no, but… I didn’t want to lose Naomi as a friend.”

“Social media.”

As if just about every gay person didn’t make a beeline for their crush’s social media. “She doesn’t have any.”

“…Oh. Maybe someone else could ask her?”

Maria thought about it. “I’m not really sure how anyone would do that without her wondering how it’s any of their business or thinking they’re hitting on her.”

Esha tried to brainstorm some more, but this wasn’t something she had really ever had to give much thought to, being straight. Instead, she changed directions. “What do you like about Naomi?”

Her smile softened as she thought about how to answer that. “I mean, she’s so cool. But you can tell that underneath it, she has a really caring side once someone has earned it. And she’s _so_ smart. I really like talking to her, and even though she’s way smarter than I am, she doesn’t seem to think she knows more than me, like being stuck up or anything. She’s really brave, and determined – kind of stubborn, I guess… like me. She’s a lot calmer than I am, so maybe I’d drive her up the wall, but I kind of… feel a little bit calmer when I’m with her, too. And I mean, not to make this conversation really awkward or anything, but she’s, like, smoking.” She laughed awkwardly at the conclusion. “Uh, maybe that was more of an answer than you really bargained for.”

She shook her head. “It sounds like she’s really special to you.”

“Yeah.” If it was just about any one of those factors, she was sure she could find that somewhere else. But to find someone who was as amazing as Naomi in so many ways seemed impossible. “I know she’d never be into me in that way, even if she’s not straight, but… I’ve been happy just being her friend.”

A slight frown. “How do you know she’d never be into you?”

She laughed again, this time uneasy, her gaze averted. “I’m hot-headed, stubborn, overly emotional, irrational. No matter how I think about it, it seems like we should be oil and water. Anyway… even if our personalities fit well together, like I said, she’s out of my league.” Under all that stubbornness and shows at pride, there was a surprising degree of insecurity. She had full faith in her ability to do her job – that wasn’t a show – but when it came to liking herself as a person…

“Says who?”

“Says… common sense? She’s super hot, and smart, and collected, and brave, and determined. I’m…” She shrugged. “Good at my job, at least.”

It made her sad to hear that Maria seemed unable to name anything positive about herself beyond being good at her job. “You’re also smart, brave, determined, and passionate. Don’t sell yourself so short.”

A small smile found its way back to her expression. “Thanks. …Wait, are you suggesting that I tell her?”

“I don’t know. Do you think you would have an easier time getting over her if you heard it from Naomi herself?”

She shifted. “Yeah, probably. But rejecting me right before I died if I couldn’t get over her would be a pretty awful thing for her to carry. And if I lived, I’d probably have messed up our friendship, and I don’t want that either… though I guess it is better than dying.”

“Just something to think about. I mean, if she decides she is interested in you and she develops feelings, maybe you’d be cured, and if not and you could get over her, you’d be cured, so… it’s worth considering.”

Unable to deny the logic of Esha’s words, she nodded. “I’ll think about it. But if I’m going to die either way, I don’t want to put that guilt on her… especially if she ever finds out the cause of hanahaki.”

“That’s a good point.” While it wouldn’t really be Naomi’s fault if Maria died from the disease, it wouldn’t be surprising if she were to blame herself, should she ever find out the origin of the disease and that she was the one Maria loved.

“I dunno what to do. Mostly, it doesn’t feel real to me at all that I could be dying. And then sometimes it feels _really_ real… but mostly right now I’m just really tired.”

“I think that’s normal,” she assured her. “That reminds me, I shouldn’t keep you. I’ll call you a ride – you’re not driving yourself when you’re this tired – so go home and get some rest.”

She hated sleeping, but could hardly argue that it was currently a necessity. “Okay.”

“And call one of us right away if your symptoms get worse.”

“…I will.”

“I’ll let the rest of the team know the results, and we’ll keep thinking of everything we can.”

She nodded. “Thanks, Chief. …For everything.”

Esha smiled sadly, but refused to get into a conversation that felt like too much of a goodbye. “I’m going to call that ride now.”

Meanwhile, Naomi was getting Alyssa ready for school.

“What’s wrong, N’omi? You seem sleepy,” Alyssa asked between bites of toaster-made waffles.

She hadn’t had an easy time falling asleep last night, but that wasn’t something she was going to tell Alyssa. Having stayed with Maria until it was almost Alyssa’s bedtime, there hadn’t been a chance to share the news, though Maria said she was fine with the conversation being had without her presence.

It was made more difficult to articulate, even if she wanted to, by the fact that she couldn’t entirely place why she was so upset about this. Death was something she typically viewed as a natural part of life, not something to get distressed over, and yet she found herself particularly averse to the idea of Maria’s death. Was it for Alyssa’s sake? Or could it be that, because she considered Maria a friend, it was bringing back memories of her big sister’s death in some way? The latter seemed particularly unlikely, as she was pretty sure she had made peace with Sachiko’s death as much as one ever could, and Sachiko’s death had been completely unexpected. The former was something she was certain played a role, but also didn’t feel like it fully encompassed what she was feeling.

“I had trouble falling asleep last night. But I’m okay.” She chose her answer carefully, balancing a desire not to overshare with a value of being honest with Alyssa.

“Oh… Tonight, you can borrow my doggie if you can’t sleep!”

What a sweet kid. Not that a stuffed animal would actually help her sleep, but she appreciated the offer. “I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you, Alyssa, that’s very kind of you.”

She beamed at the praise.


	5. Chapter 5

Maria’s sleep quality was declining by the day. Every night, she would wake up in coughing fits that were growing more painful by the day. Even once they subsided, her heart would be pounding from gasping for breath and it would take her a while to get back to sleep.

But she was stubborn and refused to stay home from her job. _“As long as it doesn’t interfere with your work,_ ” had been her agreement with Esha, after she pleaded that if she was going to die, she wanted to die doing what she loved.

“I had a feeling you might be here,” Naomi said, her lips curled into a small smile as she walked into Maria’s office. She was similar – nothing short of truly being unable to do the work would keep her from her job. Maybe it was a doctor thing.

Maria looked up from her paperwork, startled at the sudden appearance of _Naomi_ of all people. They hadn’t spoken since the other day, when she had tried that treatment, aside from a very brief text conversation where she let Naomi know the treatment hadn’t made any difference. Now it was Friday, a few days later, and she felt flutters of both nerves and excitement to talk to her again. “Yeah, uh, you know. I wanna keep doing what I love as long as I can…”

“That’s a good trait.” She strode to Maria’s desk. “I was wondering if we could have lunch?”

_Don’t look too much into it. It’s totally normal for friends to have lunch together. Wait, this isn’t pity, is it?_ A flurry of thoughts stormed her brain, but honestly, she was more than happy to accept regardless of the reason… well, not if it was pity, but she trusted Naomi not to pity her. “Sure! Where do you wanna go, or did you bring your own? Uh, heads up that our cafeteria isn’t that great; you probably don’t wanna eat their food.”

“I don’t really know what’s in the area… What would you recommend?”

Trying and failing to hide how flustered she was, Maria started listing off a few of her favorite places in the area and what kind of food they served.

“Hm… How about Triple Step?”

“Okay!” Quickly saving her work and closing out of things on her computer, she jumped up to accompany Naomi. She put her hands in her pockets, nervous and not really knowing what to do with them. This seemed like a totally normal ‘getting lunch with a friend’ situation, not a date, but she just couldn’t help the butterflies swirling in her.

On the way there, they made idle conversation about rescues Maria had been on lately and a project Alyssa was working on for school.

Once they sat down with their food, Maria was inclined to get to the point. Some casual conversation seemed to have normalized the situation, and now she didn’t feel so nervous. “So not that I’m not happy, or that you need a special reason or anything, but since you’ve never dropped by for lunch before… was there something you wanted to talk about?”

Naomi took her time choosing her words, pouring dressing over her salad as she did so. “When one is believed to be dying, it’s not unheard of for those around them to feel uneasy being near them.”

“You were worried about me?” Maybe she shouldn’t have used such a teasing tone – she regretted it as soon as it reached her ears. She didn’t think Naomi was someone who would appreciate being teased. “Sorry, um, actually… that makes me really happy. I just didn’t expect it, is all.”

She tilted her head to the side, her brow creasing ever so slightly. “Why not?”

Oh, now this made her uncomfortable. Maybe that’s what she got for trying to tease Naomi about something she actually appreciated. “I mean, we haven’t known each other for a super long time or anything…” It wasn’t that, really. It was more that she wasn’t used to people worrying about her. That wasn’t a thought she was entirely aware of, though, making her unable to voice exactly why it felt so unexpected.

“Hm.”

Ah, now had she given Naomi the wrong idea? Made it sound like they weren’t that close, or that she didn’t want to be that close? She was trying to come up with some way to deflect, to hopefully make the situation better, when she was cut off by a rough fit of coughs. Three flowers fell from her sleeve onto her lap, and she winced in pain with each cough. She was still only coughing up one flower at a time, but there was no doubt that it was getting worse.

“Has anyone gotten any new ideas?” Naomi asked, though with a heavy-hearted suspicion they hadn’t. Maria probably would have mentioned otherwise.

She shook her head, collecting the flowers into a napkin to throw away later – Gabe and Hank had more flowers now than they had testing ideas. “Nothing.”

She smoothed the napkin in her lap, weighing her words. “I’ve been investigating it myself. I can’t say I’ve had any breakthroughs myself, but I was wondering if I could join you in brainstorming?”

Oh crap… that would mean Naomi potentially finding out about the unrequited love aspect. But how could she say no to that? Without being weird, there wasn’t really any reason to deny the request. “I’ll ask the Chief.”

“Let me know what she says.”

“Sure. …Thanks.” She pushed some hair behind her ear and ate her food, trying to ignore the constant burn of pain in her throat. “It’s weird. Having to rely on everyone. Not that I’m not trying to come up with ideas too, but… you know what I mean?” Everyone was working hard for her sake. It wasn’t like the virus, where as a team they were working hard to save hundreds of people. If she wasn’t sick, none of them would have heard of hanahaki disease at all.

“I do.” Not completely, but she could imagine how she would feel if she were in Maria’s shoes.

“…Have you told Alyssa?”

She shook her head. “Not yet. I wasn’t sure if it would be better to tell her myself, or together.”

Maria thought it over. What would she want, if it was her? She supposed she would want to hear it from the person themselves, and see how they were doing. “Then we should do it soon,” she said, voice quiet and eyes fixated on her plate. “I don’t want her to have to see me if I start getting really sick.”

Would seeing Maria deathly ill be scarring, or would it be an upgrade from being unable to say goodbye? She suspected the latter, but that was a decision that she hoped they wouldn’t have to make either way. “The hospital probably isn’t an ideal setting that type of conversation. Would you be interested in coming over sometime this weekend?” She hadn’t had a friend over in a very, very, very long time, but she wasn’t about to invite herself over to someone else’s house when she had never visited it before.

Surprise filled her expression, and then she grinned. “Sure! I’m not much of a cook, but I can… uh… bring pizza?”

That almost got a laugh out of Naomi, and an amused smile played at her lips. “Alright. I don’t work on weekends, so I’ll leave the timing up to you.”

Before answering, Maria coughed up another flower, cringing at how frequent the coughing spells were becoming. “I’m not on call this weekend, so any day is fine. Maybe tomorrow? To make there be as much time as we can?”

“Sure. Alyssa gets ready for bed at 8:30, so we usually eat dinner around 5 or 6.”

“Okay, I’ll come around 5 then. That way there’s time to eat and talk and stuff.”

Naomi nodded. “I’ll text you my address.”

She felt a little guilty for how excited she was to visit Naomi’s house. Then again, focusing on that aspect of it was much more pleasant than focusing on the conversation they would need to have with Alyssa…

Once she was back at the hospital, Maria went to find Esha. Luckily for her, the chief was in her office and the door was ajar, signaling she was available if anybody needed to talk to her. She stepped inside, just closing the door over. This conversation shouldn’t take too long.

“Hey, Chief.”

She put aside her work to give her full attention. “Maria, what’s up?”

Kicking at the ground, Maria tried to fight the awkwardness she felt. “Naomi wants to join our team meetings.”

“Oh. I don’t see any reason why not… but are you okay with that?” Esha knew that the plan had been to keep the details of hanahaki under wraps for fear of ending up causing Naomi unnecessary guilt. Problematically, this also might make Maria particularly hesitant to confess her feelings as they had been talking about.

A shrug. “I can’t come up with any plausible reasons to tell her no, so I guess I have to be. It means I can’t tell her my feelings, but honestly, I probably wouldn’t be over her in a week anyway. And she probably wouldn’t ever guess it’s her I’m into, ‘cause I’m not out to her, so I guess it’s fine.”

“I’m happy to have all the brainstorming I can,” Esha admitted. “Having one more person might be just the thing we need to come up with some new ideas.”

Maria rubbed at her throat. “I hope so.”

“Don’t forget that if you want some painkillers, all you have to do is ask. Pushing through the pain isn’t going to make you get better,” she said, though her voice was gentle.

She scowled. “Uh-huh, because I’d totally be fit to drive, let alone practice medicine, high on damn Oxycodone.”

“No, but I don’t want you to suffer.”

The unexpected kindness made her feel shy, especially when it was stated so matter-of-factly. She wasn’t backing down on this, although she did soften a bit. “I would rather suffer physically from a little bit of pain than suffer from sitting around doing nothing except slowly dying. …Or not so slowly. You know what I mean.”

Esha crossed her arms and sighed. “It’s your decision. I just want you to take care of yourself.”

She squinted for a moment, then closed the door and sat down on Esha’s couch. Emotional support wasn’t really Maria’s strongest suit, but that didn’t stop her from trying for the people she cared about. “I know this must be hard on you guys too.”

The sudden shift seemed to take her aback, and she took a quick breath, not knowing how to respond. After a few seconds, she cleared her throat, her expression kept carefully neutral. “That isn’t something for you to worry about. It’s harder on you than any of us.”

Maybe that was true, in the times she found her denial falling apart and her brain hurt from spending every free moment racking it for ideas on how to cure herself. But if there was one thing she hated, it was feeling powerless, including when it was a feeling of being powerless to help the people around her. It made her frustrated and restless, itching to _do something_. “So I’m supposed to ignore that you guys are upset? Screw that!”

She smiled softly and finally went to join her on the couch. Making eye contact, she said, “It’s okay to focus on yourself sometimes. You don’t always have to put everyone else first.”

Having the tables flipped made her uncomfortable, and she ducked her head. She wanted to argue, but was having trouble coming up with any grounds on which to do so.

“You’re right: it is hard on us. And whether it ends up being just a scare or much worse, we’ll deal with that in our own time. Together, hopefully with you. But you have enough stress in your life just carrying your own pain. Don’t try to carry ours too. I know it feels easier sometimes, when it’s not your own, but it’s not going to make yours disappear.”

It felt like she had been completely seen through. Despite her freaking out in front of Esha right after finding out, other than that, she liked to think that she hadn’t let on to anyone just how distressed she was when she thought that she might really die. And… yeah, it was overwhelming to think about. She had never been that great at regulating her emotions to begin with, and god, how was someone supposed to cope with something like this? “I don’t know what to do,” she mumbled. “Talking about it isn’t going to make me less going-to-be-dead, if we don’t find a cure. Plus, if I get thinking about it, I… Y’know, the uncertainty, it’s hard. I don’t wanna throw away hope, but how can I prepare for the worst without assuming it?”

“And so instead of trying to sit with it, you try to keep yourself busy every waking hour to run away with it.” It was an observation, not a question; she knew Maria well enough to be sure of this. “You know, you and I are a lot alike.”

Her eyes widened. Since she looked up to Esha, that was a pretty significant compliment to her. “We are?”

Were the situation not so heavy, she might have laughed. “You might not see it as much now, but if you met me when I was your age, I think it would be clear.”

Feeling shy but also flattered, she chanced a look up. “So how do you deal with stuff?”

“It depends on what it is. I’m particularly fond of talking to my cats, though.”

Maria was amused by the mental image. It wasn’t like she saw Esha as some super-serious person, but it was still weird to imagine her sitting at home talking to her cats.

“In all seriousness…” she said, her tone shifting back to a more serious one, “…I wish I had an answer for you. For how to prepare without assuming the worst, for how to cope with an impossible situation. I don’t think there’s an easy answer there. But for a lot of people, talking does help.”

She looked away again, lightly kicking her foot against the couch. “What if I don’t like talking about it? What if I’d rather not think about it?”

“Different things work for different people. But in my experience… pretending a problem doesn’t exist doesn’t make it go away, or hurt any less.”

She took a deep breath, then nodded in acknowledgement of the truth of what Esha said, much as she didn’t like it. “I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask.” She smiled as best she could.


	6. Chapter 6

“Maria!” As soon as Maria had parked her motorcycle, Alyssa came running out of the house to greet her with a hug.

Pizza in one hand, Maria used her free hand to hug her. “Hey, kiddo! How’s it going?”

“Good! Wanna see my room? I have a storybook I wanna show you!”

She laughed, ruffling Alyssa’s hair as she pulled away. “Don’t you wanna eat the pizza while it’s still hot?”

Apparently having not noticed it until now, she looked at the box Maria carried, her eyes widening. “Pizza?! N’omi said we can have pizza?!”

“Yup!”

Cheering, Alyssa ran into the house to help set the table.

Naomi was in the doorway. “I’m pretty sure you’re her new favorite person, for bringing pizza,” she commented with a small chuckle when Maria was within earshot.

“Do you not let her eat pizza??” Maria asked with playful, faux outrage.

“I’ve quickly learned that kids these days would eat pizza every day if left to their own devices. I try to give her a reasonably balanced diet.” As much as one could while not being able to cook, that is.

“Hey, pizza’s pretty da—uh, pretty… pretty balanced meal! It’s got fiber, and dairy, and vegetables, and meat… like everything you need!”

“And several times the fat you need.” There was a smile on her lips though, knowing Maria wasn’t being entirely serious. “But yes, eating pizza once in a while isn’t going to do any harm.”

Naomi moved to let her inside, and she paused in the doorway to check whether she should take off her shoes. Yep, it looked like it.

Quickly spotting Maria attempting to take off her shoes with one hand and not drop the pizza, Naomi took the box from her. “I’ll put this on the table.”

“Thanks.” Once her shoes were off, she stepped into the dining room/kitchen and looked around. So this was Naomi’s house… Her train of thought was startled to a halt by Alyssa grabbing her arm as though to physically tug her toward the table. “Someone’s excited!”

“I love pizza! It’s my second favorite food ever!”

Well, now she had to ask. Moving toward the table, she asked, “What’s your first favorite?”

“N’omi’s curry!”

For the first time, Maria got to see what Naomi looked like when she was embarrassed. “It’s really nothing special,” Naomi asserted.

“It’s N’omi’s! Of course it’s special!”

There was something special and heartwarming about watching the two interact; Maria loved it. It felt like home.

“What do you want to drink? We have water, orange juice, and milk,” Naomi asked, standing near the cupboard that contained glasses.

“Water is fine.”

“I want milk!” Alyssa answered, before turning her attention back to Maria. “Guess what? In school we’re learning about the stars!”

Maria grinned. She had never cared for school as a kid, and it made her happy that Alyssa seemed to enjoy it so much. “The stars, huh? That’s really cool! What kind of stuff are you learning?”

Alyssa began to list random facts about stars, even when Naomi joined them at the table and opened the pizza box to indicate it was okay to start eating.

“Whoa, you know a lot!” Maria encouraged her. “Think you want to be an astronomer when you grow up?”

“What’s a… as… atronomi…” She frowned, not able to remember the word exactly.

“An astronomer is someone who studies outer space.”

“Oh.” Alyssa shook her head. “I wanna be a fo-ren-sic in-vesti-gator like N’omi!”

Maria looked at Naomi with raised brows, wondering if Alyssa was aware that Naomi’s job literally involved looking at dead bodies.

Naomi just shrugged. It wasn’t like Alyssa was at an age where she needed to be thinking realistically about her future, so she was prioritizing encouraging her autonomy and future-thinking over questioning potential faults in the plan – because, like Maria, it was hard for her to imagine someone as sweet and naïve as Alyssa being able to examine a corpse.

“I remember when I was little, I wanted to be a monster truck driver,” Maria commented.

“What’s a monster truck?”

“They’re like… really big and cool cars that can do tricks and stuff.” Feeling a little self-conscious, she looked at Naomi, who she discovered looked incredibly amused by that for some reason. “What did you want to be when I was a kid?”

“I actually had to write a ‘what I want to be when I grow up’ essay in second grade,” she recalled. Now it was her turn to be a little embarrassed, and she cleared her throat in an effort to hide it. “I was perhaps not all that realistic as a child. I said I wanted to be a magical girl – that is, a girl who has magic powers that she uses to fight villains.”

Maria covered her mouth, trying _so_ hard not to laugh at Naomi and make her feel even more self-conscious. But it was so incongruent with the Naomi she knew! It was probably a good thing she didn’t know about Naomi’s Healing Touch or power to hear the voices of the deceased, or it probably would have been too hard not to make a joke about the fact that she arguably had literally grown up to be a magical girl.

“Wow, N’omi!! That’s so cool! You wanted to have _magic?!_ ” Alyssa seemed in awe of the idea.

Naomi started to respond when she saw Maria grab at her chest and wince.

She didn’t want to alarm Alyssa, so she was trying her best to hold back the coughing fit, but it wasn’t working. She abruptly stood and turned her back to them so that at least Alyssa wouldn’t see the flowers come out, before she started to cough. She did her best to be quiet, not to gasp too loudly or wheeze audibly, but there was nothing she could do about how painful the coughs themselves sounded.

She tasted metal this time.

When the coughs subsided and she finally opened her eyes, Maria saw Naomi standing next to her, offering her the glass of water. She carefully slipped the flowers from her sleeve into her pocket so she could accept the water and wash down the taste of blood, when she noticed she had gotten quite a bit on her sleeve. Alyssa was sure to notice if she didn’t do something, so she took it off and tied it around her waist before taking the glass of water from Naomi. “Thank you,” she said, her voice painful and a little hoarse. She wished Naomi hadn’t seen her like this, but also, at least neither one of them were exactly about to be squeamish about a little blood.

Returning to the table, she saw Alyssa giving her a look of concern. “Maria, do you have a cold?”

God, she wished it was just a cold. And she also wished she didn’t have to address this right now. “Nah, something else,” she said, trying to keep her tone light and quickly switching to: “So where’d you get the magical girl idea from?”

It wasn’t hard for anyone with knowledge of the situation to surmise why Maria would currently want to redirect the conversation, so she went along with it. “I used to watch a lot of magical girl cartoons when I was young.”

Maria smiled as she recalled, “We didn’t get to watch every week or anything, but I remember me and a bunch of the other kids used to crowd around the TV to watch Sailor Moon every week.”

“Quality programming,” she agreed with a smile. “When I was young, I had a stuffed animal named Hotaru.”

Even though her throat still felt like it was burning, that had her beaming. It was such a random, mundane thing to have in common with Naomi. “I loved her! She was so mysterious and cool.” And maybe she shouldn’t have just said that, when those were two of the main things she admired about Naomi. “My favorite was Mars.”

“That doesn’t surprise me one bit,” she teased. Not wanting to exclude Alyssa from the conversation and satisfied that they had probably redirected her attention enough that she wouldn’t go right back to the topic of Maria’s illness, she commented, “Alyssa, you might like Sailor Moon. Maybe someday you’d like to try watching it?”

“Sure!” If Naomi and Maria liked it, she was sure she would too.

Maria just barely bit back sharing that she would love to join them. Not because she wasn’t sure if she would be alive at that point – though that was certainly true as well – but because she didn’t want to intrude on their family time. “Tell me when you do. I’d love to hear what you think of it!”

“Okay!”

Maria relaxed as Alyssa seemed to have completely forgotten about earlier. She intended to tell her tonight, but _after_ they had gotten to have some fun and eat pizza. It was the sort of news that was likely to ruin a person’s appetite, after all. “What are your favorite shows?”

“Umm, I like Sofia the First and Doc McStuffins!”

“Oh, tell me what those are about?”

She and Naomi – who had watched many episodes right alongside Alyssa and thus already knew all about both shows – were treated to a highly detailed account of all of Sofia’s and Doc’s adventures that lasted the rest of the meal. The two women exchanged a look of amusement, but really it was endearing to get to hear Alyssa talk about something she was so excited about.

“Can I watch an episode with you? Show me your favorite one?” Maria asked, wanting to squeeze in just one more positive memory before sharing the news.

Alyssa’s eyes lit up. “Can I, N’omi?”

“Sure,” she said with a soft smile. “Why don’t you go pick out a DVD while Maria and I clean up?”

“Okay!”

As soon as she was out of earshot, Maria clarified, “I’m not avoiding the conversation. I just wanna have one more good memory she can look back on, in case. I’ll tell her as soon as the episode is over.”

Naomi, who had been about to ask her about exactly that, softened. “That’s fair. …I don’t know if it’ll make much of a difference, but I do have some honey. And Advil.”

“Thanks, but I’m okay.”

Crossing her arms, Naomi gave her a look.

Right. Naomi had seen the blood. There was no way she was fooling her on that. Her shoulders slumped a bit. “Honey and over-the-counter stuff doesn’t make any difference. The Chief’s offered me some stronger stuff, but it makes me kinda loopy, so I don’t want it.”

She could understand that. “Alright. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help,” she finally decided on, knowing full well that the unfortunate fact of the matter was that all she could offer was her brainstorming and emotional support. Of course she wanted to do more – she didn’t want her friend to be in pain; who would?

“Sure,” she said, appreciating the offer while also fully aware that there really wasn’t anything Naomi could do to help.

Soon, the group was situated on the couch. Alyssa sat in the middle, practically bouncing with excitement. The moment they were all seated, she pressed play.

_“I was a girl in the village doing alright, then I became a princess overnight…_ ” Alyssa sang along to the theme song, as always.

About 30 minutes later, Maria had managed to get through the episode without coughing anymore, with considerable effort. She smiled at Alyssa as the credits played. “I can see why you like this. It’s cute.”

“I love it! I wanna be Sofia for Halloween!” she declared.

“I think we can arrange that,” Naomi said, if only because she remembered seeing the purple dress in stores when they’d bought Alyssa’s costume for last Halloween.

Now that that was over, there was no more avoiding the conversation. Maria shifted so that she was facing Alyssa. “Speaking of the future… Alyssa, there’s something I need to let you know.”

Even an 8 year old child could tell this was setting up for some bad news, and she stiffened. “What’s wrong, Maria?”

Maria took a deep breath. “You remember when I was coughing earlier?”

Alyssa nodded.

“I’m not contagious, so you and Naomi and everyone else is okay. But it turns out I’m pretty sick.”

“B-but you’re gonna get better, right?”

Her heart squeezed as she looked at Alyssa’s big, tear-filled eyes. It was so, so tempting to tell her a comforting lie. But if she did that and didn’t make it… “We don’t know yet. The doctors and me are working really hard to find a way to make me better.”

She sniffled and started to cry. “Are-Are you still gonna be able to come to my birthday party?”

“…I don’t know. I got sick really suddenly, and I might not have a lot of time left to be alive.” Alyssa’s party was almost a month away. If they didn’t find a cure, she _wouldn’t_ be able to attend; that was almost certain.

“How long are you gonna be alive…?”

“If we find a cure, hopefully a long time still. But if we can’t… not very long. Like… maybe a week or two.”

Sobbing, she lunged in for a hug. “I don’t want you to die! You have to find a cure, you have to!”

Hugging her back, Maria desperately wished she had any real comfort to offer. “We’re trying really hard,” was all she could promise.

Alyssa cried for a while, and when she pulled away, she turned to Naomi. “Can Maria read me my bedtime story tonight?”

“Of course.” She glanced at the clock. “You’ve got about an hour before it’s time to get ready for bed. What do you want to do?”

“Can we play Operation?”

Naomi looked to Maria to confirm, and when she nodded her agreement said, “Sure.”

Alyssa went to go get the game. Meanwhile, Maria’s shoulders slumped and she hung her head. “I’m pretty sure that was the hardest conversation I’ve ever had in my entire damn life.”

That was perfectly understandable. Still, “You did the right thing.”

“…Yeah.”

Alyssa burst back into the room carrying the game, already acting as though she had completely forgotten about Maria’s diagnosis.

“Okay, so how do we play?” Maria asked as Alyssa made quick work of putting the pieces in place.

Alyssa explained the game, demonstrating how to remove a piece before turning the switch to ‘ON.’

The three played several rounds, laughing when the pieces got stuck and having a good time. When Maria felt the tell-tale signs that she couldn’t suppress a cough, she drew a Kleenex from the box nearby to cough into. It was one thing for Alyssa to know that she was dying, and another for her to actually see the blood. There was no need to expose her to that if it could be avoided.

After a while, Naomi said, “Okay, one more round and then it’ll be time to get ready for bed.”

“Okay.” Still, when the round was over, she looked at Naomi pleadingly. “N’omi, can I stay up late tonight? Please? I wanna be with Maria…”

Naomi looked conflicted, wondering if she should make an exception. After she thought about it though, the answer was obvious. “I understand. But Maria needs to rest to help her feel better.” Realistically, they had no reason to believe that hanahaki disease was affected one way or the other by rest. But she could see that Maria was trying hard to hide her symptoms in front of Alyssa, and she knew how exhausting that could be.

Alyssa seemed disappointed, but looked at Maria and nodded. “Maria, read me a bedtime story?”

“Of course.” She put on her most reassuring smile and gently ruffled Alyssa’s hair. “Go brush your teeth and stuff and let me know when you’re ready.”


	7. Chapter 7

After reading _Baby McStuffins_ to Alyssa and turning out the light, Maria headed back downstairs. She suddenly felt butterflies in her stomach as she realized that she was alone with Naomi in a way that she never had been before. It didn’t really _mean anything_ , she reminded herself, trying to quell her nerves. And she supposed it was more likely than not that she would be leaving, now that Alyssa had gone to bed. After all, the reason she had come over in the first place was to tell Alyssa.

But Naomi was sitting on the couch still, looking almost as though she were waiting for her, and Maria found herself joining her.

They sat in silence a while, Naomi deciding to give Maria some time to process the conversation that had happened earlier. Despite her earlier comment about it being a difficult conversation, she recognized that Maria had kept everything to herself since then for Alyssa’s sake.

“You know, it’s kind of funny,” she said softly, avoiding eye contact. “Everyone keeps saying, ‘Do you want to talk about it? Do you want to talk about it?’… and I appreciate that, but I _don’t_ really. Want to talk about it, I mean.”

Naomi thought about that. It was tempting to ask why, but the question felt unhelpful when Maria had just voiced that she didn’t want to talk about the subject. “It must be hard,” she acknowledged. “When I was given my terminal diagnosis, I knew it was going to be a longer process. I was able to have some time in denial and to come to terms with it on my own time.”

She shifted, leaning one elbow on the couch so she could look at Naomi. “I don’t want to believe that this is terminal. I believe in the team. I believe we can find a way to cure this, even if we haven’t gotten there yet.”

_You’re braver than I was,_ Naomi thought, but stopped herself from saying. The thought surprised her, but in some ways, it was true. She had handled her diagnosis by withdrawing from everyone and accepting it as her karmic punishment. To smile the way Maria had tonight when she carried a very real possibility of being dead in a week? She wasn’t sure she could have done it. “I found that the only way I could accept my illness was to give up hope of a cure.”

Her eyes widened in sudden understanding. “That’s why you gave up. I never understood. I mean, you’re so… determined; it seemed weird that you wouldn’t want to fight for yourself.”

The observation and compliment surprised her, and while she kept a fairly neutral expression, deep down she felt a little flustered. She returned to being serious a moment later, though. “It was a complicated situation,” she said simply, decidedly not telling Maria that she had felt she deserved to die. That wasn’t really a conversation she wanted to have with her, and even if she did, it certainly would feel insensitive to talk about that right now.

Maria narrowed her eyes, clearly noticing that there was more to it than Naomi was telling her, before relaxing and shrugging it off. She wondered about it, sure, but it wasn’t really any of her business.

“How _have_ you been dealing with this?” Naomi prompted.

Maria looked sheepish at that. “The same way I deal with most feelings,” she joked, though cringed as the words met her ears. It was a little too revealing for her liking. “You know. Punch the shit out of a sandbag. Find ways to keep busy. Try not to think about it too much.”

She couldn’t help but to smile despite herself. Those were probably not the healthiest of ways to deal with one’s feelings, but in some ways, she wasn’t entirely dissimilar when it came to navigating her own emotions. “And how has that been working?”

Ducking her head in embarrassment, she tried to actually think her response out this time. She decided to try to play it off with another joke. “Well, at least if I’m shaking I can tell it’s just a panic attack and I’m not _actually_ dying yet.” Boy, tonight was not her night for comedy.

Naomi blinked, looking puzzled. She hadn’t really known many people who deflected with humor like this, so she was trying to understand why Maria was making such strange and morbid jokes. It was pretty clearly a way to cope – she could at least figure out that much – so she decided not to comment on it. It wasn’t like Naomi was one to shy away from morbidity; she just wasn’t much one for making jokes. “So you’ve been anxious,” she surmised.

Having it said so bluntly made her feel awkwardly exposed, and Maria shifted, her free arm wrapping around her body. “Honestly, most of the time it doesn’t feel real. Like I know it’s happening to me, because… well, that’s obvious, but… sometimes it kind of feels like it’s happening to someone else. It’s kind of weird. Sometimes I even see myself like I was looking at somebody else. It’s been a while since that happened.” She ran a hand through her hair, wondering if Naomi had any idea what it was like to dissociate like that. Probably not. Hopefully not. “Every once in a while, it kind of starts to catch up to me, and then if I can’t run away from it, it hits me like a truck, you know?”

Everyone had different reactions to such devastating news, and while she wasn’t intricately familiar with the matter, she could infer that what Maria was describing was some kind of extreme stress response. “That makes sense.”

She smiled awkwardly. “Um. Thanks for listening. I guess maybe I did want to talk about it a little bit.”

“Of course,” she assured her. She paused, searching for the right words. It wasn’t like her to directly state that she considered Maria a friend. In the end, she decided just to leave it at that.

Maria opened her mouth to start to speak when she felt a stab of pain in her chest, and it was all she could do to get her hands to her mouth to stifle the flowers and blood before she started to choke, fighting hard to gasp for breath between coughs that each seemed to hurt worse than the last. This was bad—her condition was definitely getting a lot worse. Her eyes watered, less from the frantic emotions swirling in her and more from the much more imminent distress of barely being able to breathe. When her vision started to spot and her ears rang, she squeezed her eyes shut, unsure how else to ward off the risk of passing out.

Soon, the spasms stopped. She coughed one more time before her body was able to still, save for the hyperventilating gasps, her body struggling for air and her mind panicking. Maria started to lift her head and open her eyes when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Easy,” Naomi cautioned, seeing how pale Maria’s face had gotten. Her old ‘doctor mode’ seemed to have taken over a bit. “You’re alright. Take some deep breaths.”

She did as instructed, then finally raised her head and opened her eyes.

Naomi looked at her intently. The fact that Maria’s breathing was starting to steady out was a good sign. “Do you feel lightheaded?”

“Not anymore.” She was still shaken up, but the ringing in her ears had stopped.

“Does it hurt to breathe?”

Maria bit her lip for a moment. “Not exactly. My throat is just… aching.”

“I’ll get you some water. Don’t move.”

It felt uncomfortable to be taken care of like that, but she knew she wasn’t exactly in any position to argue, so she stayed where she was. Embarrassed, she wiped the tears from her cheeks. Granted, she was pretty sure someone would have to be pretty heartless to judge her for being panicked about literally being barely able to breathe. She just didn’t like being vulnerable.

Naomi returned shortly after with a glass of water, watching in concern as she noticed Maria wince in pain when she drank. “Normally I would insist you go to the hospital, but… honestly speaking, is there anything they can do for you right now?”

When she finished drinking, Maria sat the glass down on the table. “No. Not until they find a cure.” As she turned back to Naomi, she noticed a sizable bloodstain on the couch. “Damn it. I’m sorry!” She started looking around for something to clean it up with, and seeing nothing in sight, started to stand. As if she even knew where to find the cleaning supplies in Naomi’s house. The idea of making a mess in someone else’s space filled her with an automatic surge of anxiety and shame.

Naomi once again put a hand on Maria’s shoulder. “It’s okay, Maria. Really. My couch is the last thing I’m worried about right now.”

The implication of that was obvious: Naomi was worried about her. It wasn’t like she didn’t know that, but perhaps due to the remaining adrenaline flowing through her, it took her by surprise. She answered without thinking: “I love you.”

As soon as the words were out of Maria’s mouth, her eyes widened and she got up, pulling away from Naomi and walking several paces away. “I—Ignore that, I’m… I shouldn’t have said anything. Just forget I said anything. Damn it. Damn it!”

“Hey,” Naomi called out, trying to interrupt Maria before she spiraled right back into another panic attack. “Maria. First things first, breathe.”

She couldn’t read Naomi’s tone or expression, and that made her uneasy. But she didn’t look disgusted, so… at least maybe Naomi didn’t hate her. Why had she said anything? Sure, it was on her mind all the time because of this stupid disease, but she had never meant to say anything! Especially now that Naomi was going to be helping the team find a cure next time she was at Resurgam. She was bound to find out, and Maria didn’t want her to carry that guilt. She had been trying so hard to ensure that, and there she went now, ruining that with some carelessly blurted out words.

“I’m not upset, if that’s what you’re worried about,” she offered gently.

That wasn’t what she was worried about, mainly, but it was good to know. The words helped calm her a bit.

Naomi waited until Maria seemed to have calmed down before responding. Partly, this was also because it gave her more time to choose her words. “I assume that you mean romantically,” she stated, wanting to clarify so she would know for certain.

Having to clarify it was embarrassing too, but she agreed. “Yeah.”

“I need some time to think over my response.”

Her eyes widened. That meant there was some hope. “Thank you. I mean, yeah, take however long you need.” The fact that her own time was limited put a slight damper on that reassurance, but she decided to keep that quiet.

“In the meantime… do you feel alright to drive? I have an extra blanket if you need to stay the night.”

She smiled, though honestly she wouldn’t feel comfortable accepting that right now. “I think I’m okay to drive. Thanks, Naomi.” She headed to the door, pausing to put her shoes back on.

“Call if you need anything or if anything changes,” Naomi requested. However she may feel about Maria’s confession, Maria was her friend and, to Alyssa, family.

“Okay.” She managed the best smile she could. “Good night.”

“Good night.”

As soon as Maria left, Naomi cleaned up the blood and got ready for bed, then retired to her room. Sleep wouldn’t come, however, as she started thinking about Maria’s confession.

Maria was in love with her? How could that be? They barely knew one another. Maybe she was overstating it, emotions heightened due to the intense situation. That seemed plausible. As for why she would blurt that out now, Naomi assumed it was due to concerns around unfinished business. Who wanted to die without people knowing how one felt about them? It was pretty bad timing, but it was also obvious that the confession had been quite unplanned.

More to the point, what was she to do with this information? Even if she wanted to, was now a good time to be dating anyone? She had a lot on her plate, between her job and being a mother. It wasn’t impossible, but it would definitely make the emotional effort of building a new relationship challenging.

Even if she could make it work… did she want to?

True, Maria was a pretty amazing woman. Naomi couldn’t deny holding a certain amount of admiration for her, even if there were other ways in which she sometimes felt frustrated. Maria could be so stubborn and hot-tempered, but she was also fiercely protective and relentlessly determined. As someone who recognized her own tendency to be stubborn at times, some stubbornness was pretty much necessary for her in a partner anyway. And Maria was extremely good at what she did, not to mention had a surprisingly caring and compassionate side.

But would they work out? Maria was a lot more emotional than her, and she could imagine the woman becoming frustrated about it. Maria was also pretty physically affectionate with the people she cared about, whereas Naomi was still learning how to even say “I love you” to Alyssa and rarely initiated affection. It just wasn’t something she was used to.

On the other hand, she admired Maria’s affectionate nature, and in some ways felt she could learn from it. She wanted her daughter to know that she loved her, especially considering all Alyssa had been through. And surely, if she were to fall in love with someone romantically, she would want that person to know how she felt as well.

She really did see Maria’s emotionality and her stoicism clashing. But the two had managed to navigate it as friends, so… perhaps they could navigate it in a relationship.

All that said: Did she _want_ a relationship with Maria? Or would she rather stay friends? She liked being friends with Maria, and didn’t want to lose that if things didn’t work out between them. But now that she was allowing herself to consider the idea… in some ways, she did find herself feeling some opposition to the idea of remaining “just friends” when they could be “more.” Maybe part of her, now that she really allowed herself to consider the idea, really did want to be with Maria.

Did she deserve that, though? The unconditional love she received from Alyssa was already far more than she deserved. Even the second chance at life… after all the harm she had done during her time working on the GUILT… To be with Maria would mean so much more happiness than she had any right to hold.

Meanwhile, Maria managed to keep herself composed until she got home. As soon as she undressed and crawled under the covers, tears of frustration and despair formed in her eyes. Although she was alone, she fought them back, knowing that crying would be physically painful and might even trigger another coughing fit. She couldn’t handle that.

She couldn’t take this hanahaki disease anymore. If she went to sleep tonight, would she even wake up tomorrow? Her hands balled into fists. Naomi was thinking over her confession, and maybe that meant she had a chance. But what if she died before Naomi could answer?

Maybe she should get the surgery. What was going to be worse, living without love or outright dying? She had thought it would be the former, but the closer she got to death, the more fear made her consider that perhaps she was better off getting the surgery. She might not be able to love, but she could still feel happiness, right? Most of her happiness came from the love she had for her Resurgam family and the love she had for her job, but… maybe she would find another way to be happy.

What would happen between her and Naomi if after confessing her love, Naomi reciprocated but now she no longer had the ability to feel love? But… how much guilt would Naomi carry if she discovered the origin of the disease and knew herself to be the source of Maria’s unrequited love?

If she did lose the ability to love, was there any way she could get it back? Maybe that was the better option. Maybe if she could convey to her future self what it felt like to love those around her… maybe with more oxytocin treatments… there could be a way. A way that allowed her to survive and not lose her ability to love. She just had to hold out hope.

Maria got out a tape recorder and started to talk. One by one, she made a tape talking about the people and things she loved. It was embarrassing, and she wasn’t used to talking so directly about her feelings like that, but if it could preserve her ability to love… the discomfort was worth putting up with. Anyway, after she got her ability to love back, she could just throw them into the fireplace.


	8. Chapter 8

Maria didn’t end up getting much sleep that night. She dozed off briefly, after she had finished her project and stashed it away, but was woken by another coughing fit a couple of hours later. By that point, it was already 6am, and it simply didn’t make sense to go back to sleep. It was starting to hurt to breathe now anyway, which made her nervous. Knowing that the Chief usually woke up around 5, she decided to give Esha a call.

Esha picked up right away, alarm evident in her voice. “Maria?”

“Hey, Chief. I—I think I want to… have the damn surgery.” She wasted no time in getting to the point. She wasn’t going to tell Esha she was okay, because that wasn’t true. “I think it needs to be tonight. I’m running out of time.”

There was a brief period of silence. She heard Esha exhale slowly. “Okay. When was the last time that you ate?”

“Last night, around 6.”

“Then I’ll schedule the surgery for this afternoon. I’m sure you know the rules – nothing to eat, nothing to drink but sips of water. I’ll call Erhard in and I’ll assist myself.”

“Thanks.” She hesitated, but decided to lay all her cards on the table. “Part of why I decided to do it is because I believe in you guys. I think we’ll find a way to make me able to love again. So the only way to stay alive and keep being able to love… is to get the surgery.”

“I’m glad you’re getting it,” she said softly. “I promise, we’ll do everything we can to help you love again. We will never give up on you.”

The genuine expression of caring was almost overwhelming for her. If she got the surgery tonight, and Esha said the same thing to her tomorrow, how would she feel? Would she feel the impact of it at all? A sharp pain hit her chest, and she gasped, her body shaking with the effort not to cough. It wasn’t just that she was on the phone with Esha, but rather because if she started, she was afraid she would really choke and die. A cough forced its way out, soon followed by more, sometimes leaving her unable to take in any air around the petals. She didn’t even register dropping her phone onto the bed, all her mental efforts focused just on attempting to breathe. Last night she had almost passed out, and she was afraid that this time she really would.

To her relief, it slowly started to ease. Her vision was spotting, her ears were ringing, and her face felt numb, but she was able to lie down and allow her breathing to return to normal. It was only a couple of minutes later that she realized Esha was still on the phone. Still lying down, she reached for her phone and put it back to her ear. “Sorry about that.”

Esha sighed in relief, undoubtedly having been scared by that she heard. “I’m coming to pick you up and I’m going to bring you to Resurgam so you can be monitored until the surgery.”

There was no question in Esha’s voice; it was a statement. As stubborn as she could be, Maria had no intention of arguing with the clear logic behind it. “Okay.”

“I’ll be there soon,” she promised.

“Okay. See you soon.” With that, Maria ended the call and started to pack a few things. She knew she would be kept overnight even in the best case scenario, after something as intensive as lung surgery, particularly considering that they were treating a disease that wasn’t very well understood. If things went badly in some way, she could end up being kept even longer. She decided to bring a couple changes of clothes in addition to her own toiletries.

By the time Esha arrived, Maria had her bag packed and was ready to go.

As soon as the door opened and Esha took in her exhausted appearance, Esha frowned in concern. Catching herself, she quickly put on a smile instead. “Just think, in 24 hours you won’t have to worry about the flower anymore.”

Maria tried her best to return Esha’s smile, which she knew was being put on in an effort to encourage her. “Yeah.”

They got into Esha’s car. Though she didn’t say as much, Maria was glad she didn’t have to drive herself. If she had a coughing fit while she was driving, that could end very badly.

“I have your surgery scheduled for 12pm,” Esha told her.

Maria nodded in understanding. “Once we get to the hospital, I want to call Naomi so she and Alyssa know.”

“Of course.”

She hesitated, debating whether or not to share the next bit of information. “I told Naomi last night, that I love her. I didn’t mean to, I just… blurted it out without thinking.”

“And she doesn’t feel the same way?”

Maria looked out the window. “I don’t think so. I don’t know. She said she needed time to think about it, so… normally I’d be happy, and it would be a good thing. But I don’t really have a lot of time left. I don’t want to rush her and have her decide something she isn’t really comfortable with… Plus, it’s not like we have time to have a relationship. In order to love me now, she would pretty much have to have already had feelings for me. And I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. And we don’t have time for her to grow to love me, because—you know.”

Her expression turned sad. It was clear Maria had spent a lot of time thinking this over, presumably last night instead of sleeping if her appearance was anything to go by. If only Maria had a little more time, she might not have to choose between her survival and her ability to love – because as much as she believed in their ability to restore it, she knew it was no guarantee, and it wasn’t going to be an easy road. But Maria had a point. It took time for those feelings to develop, and… if what she heard earlier was any indication, time wasn’t something Maria had a lot of left.

They arrived at Resurgam and got Maria checked into one of the hospital rooms, setting her up with things like a heart monitor and call button. The process was made slightly simpler by the fact that Esha didn’t have to explain any of it; Maria already knew what all these devices were.

“I’ll give you some space to call people. Tomoe and Hank are on duty. Do you want me to let them know?”

“Yeah.”

“Alright. I’ll be back to check on you later.”

She smiled appreciatively. When Esha left, she called Naomi, hoping she wouldn’t be waking her. Then again, people with kids usually had to wake up pretty early, didn’t they?

“Hello?” Naomi answered after only a couple of rings. She sounded a bit tired, and Maria really hoped she had already been awake.

“Hi, Naomi. It’s Maria.”

“Is everything okay?”

Maria used her free hand to fidget with her blanket. “I decided to have the surgery. I figured, better to have time to try to heal the complications than just die, right?” She forced a laugh, not wanting Naomi to know how afraid she really felt. After a few seconds of silence though, she relented a bit. “I’m not really sure what I’m going to be like after the surgery. I was wondering if… Alyssa might want to see me one more time while I’m still, you know, me.”

“Yes, I think she would. When is your surgery scheduled for?”

“12.” It might be the longest 5 hours of her life waiting…

“Okay. We’re going to have breakfast and then we’ll come see you. Perhaps then you can tell me more about the ‘complications’ of this surgery?”

“…Yeah, I can do that.”

After they said their goodbyes and hung up, Maria texted Gabe, who would be the last of the team to know. “At Resurgam. Having the surgery at 12. Trusting you guys to figure smth out 4 me.”

He texted back surprisingly quickly. When she texted him something random, sometimes it was days before she heard back, but… to be fair, when she texted him something important, he was usually pretty good about getting back to her. “I’ll come visit. Is the kid operating?”

“Ya. Chief called him in & she’s assisting.”

“Couldn’t have asked for better docs. See you in a couple hours.”

She put her phone down. To tell the truth, she felt uncomfortable having so much attention on her, specifically with people worried about her. That alone was something she generally tried to avoid. But on the other hand, it also… felt nice to know she was cared about.

It was only minutes until Tomoe appeared in her doorway. “Maria!” She rushed to Maria’s side and held her hand. “I just spoke to the Chief. How are you feeling?”

Maria put on her best smile, hoping not to worry Tomoe further. “I’m okay. I trust we’ll figure something out. I just gotta stay alive long enough for us to figure it out, so… I’ve gotta have the operation.”

Tomoe still looked worried, but nodded. “We’ll make sure to find a way to restore your ability to love.” Not only because the way of honor demanded such, but because Maria was her friend and she cared about her.

“I know.” She said it as if she weren’t secretly terrified.

Just then, a small figure ran into the room, climbed onto the bed, and threw her arms around Maria.

“Hey, kiddo,” Maria chuckled, hugging Alyssa back. Having her chest compressed made it even more painful to breathe, but she appreciated not being treated like she was fragile.

“Maria, N’omi said you’re having a op… oper-a-tion. Does that mean you’re gonna be okay?”

Naomi appeared in the doorway. “Alyssa, what did I tell you about running in the halls here?”

Alyssa looked up at Naomi and pouted. “But I wanted to see Maria!!”

Tomoe stood. While she wasn’t aware of Maria’s feelings for Naomi, she knew Maria was like a mentor to Alyssa and sensed that this might be a private moment. “I’ll give you some privacy. Maria, I will be back later to check on you.”

“Sounds good,” Maria agreed, although she couldn’t help but to think that it might have been better having the buffer of Tomoe there to ease the awkwardness with Naomi.

As Naomi sat down in the chair Tomoe had just vacated, Maria answered Alyssa’s question. “The operation is gonna save me, yeah. But I might feel really funny for a while after the operation. It’ll be okay though, ‘cause the doctors here are really good and they’ll make sure I make a full recovery!”

Alyssa nodded, still hugging Maria tightly. “You’ve gotta be okay. You’ve gotta!”

“We’ll all do our best,” Maria promised. She winced as she felt the twinges of an impending cough, and looked to Naomi in a panic, as if Naomi could possibly understand the reason.

Fortunately, she got enough of the gist. When Naomi spoke, her tone was firm, leaving no room for objection. “Alyssa, I need you to let go of Maria.”

While she was far from happy about it, Alyssa complied, getting off the bed. As soon as she did, Maria started to cough, turning her body away from Alyssa in an effort to hide it.

Naomi placed an arm around Alyssa and led her out of the room. “I’m going to help Maria. Can you go find Esha? I’ll come get you when I can.”

Tears filled her eyes, but Alyssa nodded. She knew that Naomi knew how to help people, and she knew that Maria needed help. If she needed to go away for Naomi to help her, then she would.

It was definitely something Naomi would talk with her more about later. She felt bad about effectively shooing Alyssa away, and even more so about making her cry. But right now, the truth was that she _didn’t_ know what was going to happen to Maria. If someone had to do an emergency tracheotomy to clear her airway, for example… That was something Alyssa didn’t need to see.

As Naomi stepped back into the room, Maria’s heart monitor was beeping alarm and her blood oxygen was dipping far too low for comfort. Before she could reach for the call button, Emma was in the room to see what was going on.

Naomi placed a hand on Maria’s back, hoping that keeping her calm would help ease her breathing at least a bit. “She’s having trouble breathing, but not beyond baseline,” Naomi told Emma.

Emma stayed, on standby in case the situation worsened and Maria needed more help. When the coughs ceased, Maria’s breathing stayed shallow and her heart continued to beat too quickly.

She pulled away from Naomi to lay down, hoping it would help the lightheadedness pass. Every breath felt like broken glass was stabbing her in the lungs. At this rate, she wasn’t sure if she would make it until 12 – but that was part of why she was already in the hospital.

Maria’s blood oxygen level rose to a more acceptable level, even if her breaths didn’t deepen and her heartbeat was only moderately slower. It was enough that it didn’t make sense for Emma to hover anymore, though. “Dr. Torres, is there anything I can get you?”

If it hurt this much to breathe, she wasn’t sure she wanted to speak unless it was absolutely necessary. Maria just shook her head.

She hesitated, then looked to Naomi. While she didn’t know the details, she was aware that Naomi had some medical background. If nothing else, she knew enough to be aware of when to call for more help. With that thought as comfort, Emma decided to leave her alone for the time being. “Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.”

Maria nodded. After Emma left, she looked at Naomi. She felt embarrassed at being seen so… weak. Talk about not being the impression she wanted to make on Naomi. There was no judgment in the other woman’s gaze though, just concern.

“Does it hurt to breathe?” she questioned, seeing the clear difference between Maria’s recovery from the coughing fit last night and the way she still seemed to be struggling today.

She nodded again, placing a hand to her chest to indicate where.

“Then I won’t ask you to talk. I would like to update Chief Patel and see if she can move the surgery up. Is that okay?”

Maria nodded and handed Naomi her phone, assuming there was no reason for Naomi to have Esha’s phone number but also not really wanting to be alone right now. It wasn’t just for emotional reasons, either – she was worried for her own safety.

“Hello?” Esha answered.

“Hello. It’s Naomi speaking. I’m with Maria right now. Her condition is worsening and she’s having chest pain when she breathes. Is there any way the surgery can happen sooner?” She understood that it was a tall order to reschedule things in a busy hospital like Resurgam. Maybe it was ridiculous for her to even make this request. But… she had to try.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Esha promised. “Since Tomoe and Hank are in the OR, is it alright if I bring Alyssa to the daycare?”

“Yes. Thank you for looking after her.”

“Of course. I’ll come stop by as soon as I can.” With that, Esha ended the call.

Naomi put Maria’s phone back on the table where it had been before. “She’s going to see if they can operate sooner.”

She was scared. She didn’t want to die, and she didn’t want to lose her ability to love. Maria sat up, pushing past the pain as best she could. “You need—to know,” she managed, fighting to speak despite the pain, “what the surgery—will do.”

There was a reflex to insist that Maria lay down and not talk, not risk making her condition worse. But there was an urgency in her eyes and Naomi found herself wanting to know what Maria had to say.

“They say it—takes away a p—person’s ability to love.”

She thought it over, her face unreadable. Finally, she responded. “So that’s what you were referring to when you referenced the complications… But you believe the team will find a way to reverse it?”

Maria smiled weakly. “I hope so.”

“Then I’ll wait. However long it takes.” She took Maria’s hand in hers.

_Because_ _I love you._

Oh, god, she was in love with Maria. Maria, who was about to have surgery that would remove her ability to love. She hadn’t been in love in… hell, probably since she was in med school. But the feeling in her heart was impossible to ignore, now that her brain had forced her to put words to it.

Maria’s eyes widened. The pain was suddenly starting to fade, and that could only mean one thing. “Naomi…?”

“Do you want to hear my answer to last night now, or would you prefer to wait?”

“I-I want to know,” she said, her heart pounding with _hope_ for the first time since her diagnosis.

Naomi faltered, searching for the right words. She had never been one to articulate such emotions. Finally, she came closer, placing her free hand on Maria’s cheek.

Understanding dawned on her, and she leaned in, eyes fluttering closed.

She hadn’t thought it through. The kiss left an aftertaste like leaves and blood on her lips. Hopefully, there would be more kisses in the future that would be more pleasant.

Maria couldn’t stop herself from throwing her arms around Naomi, nearly laughing with sheer relief. “Naomi, I’m cured!”

“…What?” She was surprised by the hug, but even more so confused by the statement. She failed to see any sort of ‘cure’ in a kiss. Was Maria delirious? There were plenty of fictional tales about ‘true love’s kiss’ that could prompt a delusion along those lines, she supposed.

Maria pulled away to look at Naomi. She spoke quickly, as though her body sought to rid itself of the fearful energy it had been carrying. “Hanahaki disease, I didn’t want to tell you before because I didn’t want you to feel guilty. But it’s caused by unrequited love. You love me back! So I shouldn’t die!”

That made no sense. …Of course, it made about as much sense as hearing the voices of the dead, or seeing ghosts, or even a lung operation that caused someone to lose their ability to love, but… she had trouble believing it. Still, it was undeniable that Maria didn’t seem to be in pain anymore, unless adrenaline or delirium was overriding her pain response.

Before Naomi could come up with a response, Esha came in. When she saw Maria’s improved mood and Naomi’s confusion, she gave them questioning looks.

“Chief, it’s okay now! It’s not unrequited anymore!” Maria said, while at the same time Naomi said, “I’m worried she may be delirious.”

“…Oh.” That didn’t really answer her question, but it was undeniable that Maria didn’t seem to be in pain anymore. “Maria, I’m going to listen to your heart and breathing sounds.”

Naomi moved out of the way so that Esha could do so. They sounded a lot better than before – in fact, they sounded… normal. Her heart was beating a bit fast, but she couldn’t identify any problems with Maria’s breathing right now. “I’d like to do a chest x-ray.”

The three of them walked to the room together, Esha and Naomi waiting outside while Maria got the scan done.

“Do you know anything about the origins of hanahaki disease?” Naomi asked, not wanting to come out and say what Maria had claimed.

Esha looked at her, wondering how much Maria had told her. She knew that Maria had felt strongly about not wanting Naomi to know… but when it came to a direct question like that, she wasn’t sure there was any way around answering. “They say that the flower blooms because of unrequited love.”

Naomi shook her head. “I’m not sure whether to marvel at the mind-body connection, or just be baffled,” she admitted. “That said, if the recipient returns those feelings?”

“Then we believe hanahaki disease will be cured.”

Naomi shifted. She felt weird telling the chief of the hospital who she was in love with, but it was clearly relevant in this moment. “Then she was right. She should be cured.”

Esha beamed, trying to contain the rush of relief and excitement that flooded her. “I’m so glad,” she whispered.

When Maria came out, they walked back to the room so Esha could review the scans.

“Take a look,” Esha said, grinning as she turned the computer so Maria and Naomi could see the x-ray. All of Maria’s previous scans were there too, including the one from when she had first been admitted into the hospital today. “This is what it looked like just two hours ago.” She clicked on the relevant x-ray and showed them the image of Maria’s lungs filled with flowers, roots, thorns, and leaves. “And here’s the one we just took.” Her lungs were in perfect condition, as though nothing had ever been amiss, aside from some minor damage that was sustained from her smoking when she was younger.

Unable to contain her joy, Maria hugged Esha. “Thank you, Chief. For everything.”

Esha laughed affectionately and hugged her back. “I’m just glad you’re alright.”

“Me too.”

“Well, I think I have a surgery to cancel. And I’ve never been so happy about that,” she said as Maria pulled away. “Should I go get Alyssa?”

“Yeah, I know she’ll be glad I’m okay.”

Esha left to go pick Alyssa up from the daycare.

“This was definitely not how I wanted to tell you how I feel,” Maria admitted with an amused smile. “But anyway… uh, now that we’re both… Do you want to, I don’t know, go… out to dinner together sometime?”

Naomi smiled. “I would love that.”

Soon, Esha returned, Alyssa walking behind her and just about clinging to her. “Maria?” Alyssa’s voice called out. “Are you okay now?”

Maria grinned, shifting to make room for Alyssa to join her and Naomi sitting on the bed, and opened her arms. “Yeah! I’m sorry for scaring you before.”

Cautiously, Alyssa peeked out from behind Esha. When she saw that Maria really did seem to be okay and Naomi nodded her permission, she hurried over and threw her arms around Maria once again. “I was so scared!”

“I know. I’m sorry.” She hugged Alyssa tight. “It’s hard to explain what happened, but I’m all better now. I promise.”

Naomi came closer, resting an arm around Alyssa as well. “And I’m sorry for scaring you earlier too. I wanted to make sure that if we needed more doctors, they had room to help Maria.”

Alyssa moved one arm away from Maria and shifted so she was hugging both of them. “I’m glad Maria’s okay.”

“I am too,” Naomi admitted. When she felt Maria shift, she wasn’t terribly surprised to find herself pulled into a group hug. Honestly… she would never admit it, but maybe, just maybe, she could get used to this.


End file.
